i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

it's nearly 5 in the morning..and i just came home..hmm..prom wasnt what i thought it'll be..too much yakitty-yak..others just crashed our prom..but whatever..it's over and done with..hmm..ping yians..for one..are good at dressing up..seriously..the guys were sweeping the girls off their feet..and the girls were looking like they came out from a fairy-tale book or smtg..tskx2..hmm..the food didnt tickle my tastebuds..but azhar did..hahaha..no la..just kidding..we did not do anything la..seriously..I SWEAR!ok?hmm..after prom went to east coast with many people..they went to drink..too many cute people..too much smoke in my brain..i cant really concentrate on what im typing right now..everything's just flooding my mind..from the tym azhar asked me along to the toilet..then to people accusing us of hanky pankying..which we were not guilty of..then azhar got real high..this ash person was freaking cute-a-licious!!then suddenly this flirting with that..that flirting with this..too much chaos to be listed..

then went to le meridian..met with lyla totoink head and cousins and ita..was making a lot of racket..but what the heck..haha..hmm..fyera was heavy headed so decided to massage her..haha..hmm..going to camp..like..now?i guess..yea..take care..lovex2..kissx2..umm..then called abang to fetch me..he's such a sweetheart..lovex2..kissx2..to you too abang..

now msging with khaaliq..i donno where the conversation is going to but ya..hmm..i dont feel like sleeping..cause i aint sleepy and i havent eaten my medication yet..haha..but heck that..

wake me up when [you're] done

Fuck The Flirt..Without [You] The Flirt's Nothing..





went to the doc's today..no tonsils!what a relief..hmm..then went to haig rd to eat..then went to get snails..mom aint working..so wanna cook..yumx2..hmm..went home..helped parents do smtg to the snail then the whole house smelt of the wet market..God!it's a wonder how i survived..then ate medicine..fyera called..wanted me to follow her meet hafizah..was too sleepy and too lazy to take bath so declined..sorry laling..then slept..dreams i had involved [you]..thoughts i had were of [you]..the pain im bearing..is just me..

woke up again..ate snails with rice and omelette..then ate medicine..watched tv..hands are getting weaker..it's 6 in the afternoon and the flirt has'nt taken the flirt's bath..and i doubt the flirt will..read lyla's blog..yea..guess ive been thinking too much it affected my health..this bad..time is of an essence..but hurt and pain is unavoidable..glad you know ive been trying..but you know what..acceptance is one of my weakest points..and this is taking a toll in my life..slowly..but one way or another..i donno what to do..you know nad..remember when you said commiting suicide is so tempting..did you say that?or was i just hallucinating..ah whatever..my point is that im in that position right now..the open window right behind me and the pills that is oh so abundant in the kitchen is just calling my name..yes ain..yes fyera..yes nad..you people will be like 'kau..gile pe c dier ni..she should know better sey..takan pasal ni je dier nak buat camtu kan?'ok..i know..however..it's still on my mind..and dont worry about me people..i'll be alryt..having you people makes my life half full..but losing [you] made my life half empty..

take me away

You Know The Flirt Needs [You]





nothing much happened..fell sick..i need to get these tonsils out..God!!..damn it..hmm..watched the singapore against laos match for the SEA games..it was the second most frustrating match compared to seeing ping yi's netball matches..yup..so many long passes yet nobody is able to catch the ball..instead..the opponent gets it..there were so many close calls for singapore..but laos lost 1-0..was such a lame match..laos could've beaten singapore..so badly..but ya..i wont be surprised if singapore loses the next match..or the one after..or the one after..or doesnt even win anymore..they were so contented with the one goal that they scored on the 4th minute or so that they concentrated on i donno what after that..hmm..i think the singaporeans spectators were better..they were practically screaming their throats out..and the only thing the team could give back was one miserable goal..haish..what a disappointment..

talking about disappointments..im all depress-y and desperate-y..this is gonna last..longer than it should..

OH MY GOD!!A FLYING COCKROACH JUST FLEW ON MY SHOULDER!!!!ouh..papa just killed it..cock-roaches..no wonder they're pests..

it's just loving that i want

You Know The Flirt Needs [You]





no..not now..not again..[you] gave me a msg..telling me [you're] gonna back off cause [you] think i still have got things going on with that one..but [you're] wrong..i needed someone to talk to..i needed someone to listen to my woes..to make me happy for just that one moment..but when im alone..that one is not on my mind..neither in my heart..[you] have those places..[you] are the only one that i want..that i need..that i want to have..once more..this is what i always tell [you]..why dont [you] believe this side..holding hands is nothing compared to the love i have for [you]..and [you] know that..

i know how [you] feel with people telling [you] what they saw..i know how it feels when [you] see us together..but [you] know what..i get news coming from my friends about [you] as well..and i feel worse than what [you're] feeling cause i cant do nothing about it..and it gets worse when i bump into the both of you..but i dont wanna back off..cause i still wanna catch [you] if ever [you] fall..

dont make me torn no more..not when i feel so sky high with [you]..at the very least we've been in touch..i dont care if [you] reject my calls when [you're] with company..as long as i feel that [you're] there..dont put me in this position again..dont hurt me deeper again..dont let me go when i need [your] hands..dont walk away when im cold and [your] warmth is all i need..dont turn [your] back on me when all i want to is look at [you]..i cant handle it..i really cant..

dont make me cry another tear

loving a flirt aint an easy thing..
but loving [you] when [you're] with another is harder..
see,a flirt can always change ways..
but a flirt can never change hearts..

still awake at 5.25am..[you're] not alone





went out with lyla totoink head again..went to parkway with her and neesha and humairah and farah..but met at starbucks first..then picked farah up from tuition..hmm..got hair dye..then went in search for totoink head's prom thing..yet again..but couldnt find so went to buy chocolate..and the most lame-est thing happened..the salesperson heard the chocolate break and we had to pay for it..read again..HEARD the CHOCOLATE BREAK..ya..right..and it was a santa made out of chocolate thing..heard it break..what in the world?!but ya..we paid for it..so they'll probably have a chocolate eating night..and im not there..so sad..

went home..bought for nenek food..i tercicir-ted her 5o bucks..im so infuriated at myself..i cant believe it!!how am i gonna pay her back?though she doesnt know it was a 50 dollar bill..i still felt wrong..but nenek..in one way or another..i'll pay you back..i promise..anyway..papa and mummy were on their way to banquet..i dyed my hair..cooked for nenek..then watched tv..then went on the net..just to find news that saddend me..[you] are off to negeri sembilan..and i didnt even get to say anything to [you]..[you] didnt tell me..and i had to find out where?at [your] sister's blog..haish..so sad..

abang wants to go clubbing tonight..he's asking for 100 bucks..none of the family members have it..so i suggested not to go..but he said it was planned long ago..abang..what harm does it bring to just say no at the last minute?i mean..you aint got cash..then he borrowed from his friend..ya..that's just gonna make things worse wouldnt it..having to pay back..you know what..abang and papa..if things are this bad..why dont you people quit smoking?for awhile til our financial situation is stable?i mean..papa's ciggs costs 10.70 and abang's 9 plus having smoked so many i lost track..that's around 20 bucks..argh!and if i were to say this infront of you..either you'll get angry or agree yet do nuts about it..but when everything goes haywire..everybody becomes stressed and fingers point to one another..and me having used the phones and tv..will be blamed..wow!that's good..

haish..[you're] not here..[you] left without news..i'm lost..i'm finding myself..[you] just had to go..

ive no more

You Know You ... ah...this aint working today..





HAPPY 2 YEARS 7 MONTHS TO [YOU] AND ME!!no wait..it ended..
ok nad..just read your blog..or livejournal..or whatever la..and i cant help it..i need to say smtg..so dont be writing my name and telling people what i'm saying..haha..it's just not right dont you think so?haha..hmm..ok..here goes..first up..we're your friends..and we'll be supporting you in whatever you do..no matter wrong or right..yes we'll have our own views on what you're doing..and we'll have our own objections that might change your mind..but the choice is all yours..and if you get into a shithole or smtg's just troubling you..we'll still be there..to lend an ear or shoulder or just for company..so worry about nothing..

for your family..you can even be the purple sheep..just do whatever you want..ok wait..i know you cant do everything you want but..well my point is..lead your own life..and if they disagree to your decisions so be it..listen to them..on the other hand dont let the downturn dampen you..have smtg else in mind that probably they'll agree on..or better..do things without notice..ermm..nox2..dont listen to last part..haha..hmm..ok seriously..parents wants the best for every kid..you and i both know that..but you see sometyms they dont know how to express it..just lyk evey other human..they have their flaws..so ya..your parents are doing what they think is right..and if you can stand up to them..go ahead..and if you cant..do what every other kid does..agree to their decision..you're listening to them so that makes you a good kid doesnt it..that's what i do..hey i get pushed around in the house as well..get this i just came home from town..i'm so freaking tired i wanna just watch tv and sleep..but i cant even rest for awhile..cos why?i have to get food for grandma and dad who's sick..so i have to go down..ok fine..i dont mind..then i have to pay abang's fine so had to go deposit money..then go up..then grandma keeps calling..then everybody turns deaf..im the one without the invisible hearing aid..then abang and dad got hungry so i have to go down again to get food..then im all bummed out..you know sometyms i ask..why cant they do it themselves..and you know what's their reply?'ala..malas la'..so what am i?

see..things happen that are not to our likings..but tolerance is a good thing..hmm..and for your relationship..i kinda got a jist of it..and it seems that a third party is introduced?correct me if im wrong though..anyway..relationships will stand firm if jealously is lessened..and if trust plus honesty is present..so if you trust her that much to eliminate whoever that claims to be her girlfriend..then probably things will be alright..but i know that's the hardest thing to do when you already found out..nad..i donno..just trust..that's really the best that you can do..ive seen my ex with another right infront of my eyes eventhough at that tym we were still together..ah..but i just trusted what she said..and the relationship lasted..a long tym..

lastly..you need not have a hp to communicate with the outside world..i dont have no hp..and i still can communicate..yes i have the home phone..but wait till the bill comes and i'll have no home phone no more..you need not these gadgets to communicate with others..you only need that heart of yours..that im sure is still beating..so just saying that eveything's gonna be alryt..yes easier said than done..but once you've done it..a load is off your shoulder..and that's good..trust me..

honk me and let me know





sent fyera to camp today..woke up at 4.45 in the morning..i was so shweepy..but i knew i had to go..then met her at bedok..i was early..thank God!..anyway..she was early as well and we went off..in the bus she told me about din..and flowers and the ring..gosh..guess he's still stuck in the past..i think..hmm..reached camp..waited for her friend..talked abit..accidently tipped her waterbottle in the drain!!oh my God!and i,being the guilty party had to retrive back for her..pagix2 anak Roslan masuk longkang..kesian..haha..hmm..im pitying myself..haha..hmm..then realised her friend reached already so she had to go..hugged..said our 'take cares'..and she was off..seeing her back getting smaller and smaller as she went up the slope was actually heart-breaking..couldnt help shouting for her and waved goodbye..haish..if only she knew how i was feeling..i was alone in the bus..thinking of her..i couldnt believe myself..why in the world am i missing her so fast..totoink head la she..make me feel so sad in the morning..*weeps*

anyway..headed home..ate..then slept..lyla called..went out to town with her..nad n ita coulnt go..so it was the both of us..was damn hungry la..so ate at cathay's burger king..watched the tv that showed movie traliers thingie..then chicken little came out!haha..it resembled lyla totoink head..haha..hmm she had a laughing day today..laugh and laugh til so tired..totoink head..hmm..was looking for her prom shoes la..shawl la..whatever else la..i totally forgot where charles and keith was in wisma..so we had to go up and down..sorry la..haha..at last found it..then a pair caught totoink head's eyes so she bought it..walked here..walked there..reached forever 21..saw this thing..i have no idea how to say it..but she had a real interest in it..but was expensive..so decided to move on..oh that's when the flirt disturbed her lyk mad!!hahaha..shiok!!haha..then met neesha..she had to show the thing to her and ended up buying it..such a totoink head..hmm..headed off to tm to meet humairah..she was with this guy..haha..hmm cant deny..kinda cute..but!flirt cute-r..haha..then neesha hungry..ate at long johns..dunno la then got some confusing commotion that i wouldnt wanna talk about..then went home..haha

watched 'the contender' with whole family..laughed a lot..haha..then got sick..haha..now going out with abang..then when home..probably going to shweep..haha

sweet dreams are made of [you]

You Know You Love The Flirt





the o's have ended..another torment on the way:the results..argh!!this crap is getting to me..hmm..was raining practically the whole day..the weather was so fine..but rilla had to go to school..hmm..went to eat after the paper..flirting was not really a problem at mac..like ain said..'a lot of new faces'..yea..a lot of new victims of pleasure..haha..went home..

then at one point i got so stressed..i really donno why..did'nt even have the mood to go for prom..ask lyla..she knows..was on the phone with her..despite all my pleas..despite all my solutions to not go for prom yet meet my friends later..despite all this..matix2 dier tknk berala..jahat nye totoink head..but ya..then so many other problems got into mind..[you],family,my next move,anticipating the results..papa sold his car already i think..he said family was unbalanced with the lack of money..and abang had to get fined..saw mum's wallet this morning..the amount she had inside shocked me..but ya..had been a while since those tears rolled down..and alas..it did..i just got stuck amidst all the commotion in my head..that i really had to find the easiet solution..and fast..so that was it..

my day changed from laughing so hard to the point til i cried then being so alone with nothing to cheer me up and with that feeling..everything else went downhill..haish..the irony of life..the sophistication of Man..felt the same though after the ordeal..then lyla called..talked..told her about the mess..then abang came home..he was also pissed and stressed..he read the 'today in history' book..he literally indulged himself in the knowledge he could pick up..venting his pressure on reading aloud..then both of us got mad and crazy..he learnt the word 'totoink head'..lyla was going bezerk with the antics of abang and i..then he went to his room..picked up the other phone..talked to me and lyla on the line still..she was going crazier with abang's and my nonsense..get this..the real reason he wanted to talk was to ask me about where his lighter was..so people..im not to blame for the nonsensical behaviour..it runs in the family..he said that his ass was cute and small and NIBBLICIOUS..right..so that one can nibble on it..aint kidding..he said that..so self-praise is not caused by us..we use the praises of others to praise ourselves..haha..

yea..still messed up though..hurt is still there..fear is still there..my love for [you] is also still there..

this i promise [you]

p.s:NAD!!this entry doesnt have you in it..too caught up in my thoughts la..probably the next one k..found out you were gonna meet shaboy..that'll be good..haha..

You Know You Love The Flirt





woke up..met lyla cos totoink head had her dnt paper..i became her victim..right..i practically annoyed her beyond annoyance..haha..shafiq..ashfaq..all those names..all those fiction..all those facts..all those words in the organizer..haha..ate..went arnd bedok..bought hair dyes..accompanied lyla to school..came home..hungry..cooked..ate..watched tv with abang..disgustingly horrifying show about bugs and plastic surgery..eekkyy..hmm..went to meet nad n d at bedok..cut hair at parkway..walked around..nad cant wait to get her mp3..i forgot to bring..came to my place..went home..

the reason why it's all summarised?nad..here's your another paragraph..after meeting sister ystrday..wanted to go home and go out with mum huh?wrong!went to meet shaboy..ek eh..tgk wayang..alik rumahnye..and you want me to believe nothing happened?N-O-T-H-I-N-G???nad..ive been to umm..ive been..ermm..in that situation la eh..and nothing DID NOT happen..alot of things were going on..especially since there was nobody at home..and both are in the room..come on la..isolated from everyone..one can do whatever one wants..listen to songs like umm..what was it?'turn me on'?tskx2..i thought i was the naughty one..i thought you people were angels including lyla totoink head..oh i was so proven wrong..haish..nadiah al-ansari binte hassan..you've been bad..and your christmas present..if you were to get one from shaboy..i think i know what'll be..and if shaboy asks for a present on her birthday..i think i know what'll she get..now who says naughty kids dont get presents?

haha..life's good..haha..with company..but nevertheless..[you] are still here..not physically..but still..with absence..the heart grows fonder..and with presence..the heart falls deeper..i long to bump into [you] and to just look into those glistening eyes and find myself once more..i long to spend that one night with [you] and doing what we like..to star gaze..im sure they'll be twinkling..and with that..i long to make [you] smile then hear [you] say "shut up la" cos [you're] just lost for words..i know it's not the best phrase one wants to hear..but to me..it's just like music..i long to hold [your] hand..touch [your] lips..hold [you] near..i long to feel [you] smack my face for whatever reason..or for no valid reasons at all..i long to do all this..only if i could..i still remember where [you] long to go..i still remember [you] told me one night if [you] could..paris is [your] destination..but i ask..whatever for?when the beauty within [you] is of more than that of the Eiffel..

my heart is [yours]

You Know You Love The Flirt





went out raye-ing..supposedly yesterday having bypass midnight now..but whatever la..was out with the usual and khaaliq,yan,aisah,ahmad,manan and him..had to wait for nad n lyla..nad woke up late..had her domestical problems..my advice..heck it..no point worrying and thinking too much..it'll just harm you in more ways than 1..so ya..hmm..then had to wait for fira..went for briefing..i tot she'd never come back..but she did..haha..hmm..waited for din n manan as well..then went off to fira's..met ain..'aku pening'..her 1st words..if i was a parent,i'd be proud..haha..then went to ain's,diyana's,nad's and lyla's..still hungry..went to simpang bedok..haha..

it's funny how the past tags along one eventhough it's over..it's funny how both can look so heart-throbbingly kinght in armourish though ive practically gotten over the both of you..or so i thought..ah..im always being wronged by myself..hmm..ive always admired you in that..i could never get over the fact..and him..i never thought you'd make my feet tremble again with that scent of yours..i could never get over that fact..but we're not in any tangle what-so-ever..and neither anyone of us can disagree..but why when i look at you i become all soft and when i look at him i become all soft also?and why can both still make me go "shit..why didnt i?" while seeing eye to eye?the flirt's confused..BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE!the flirt DID NOT FALL..cos [you're] still in my mind..ok..enough of raye..im sure i'll be confronted with a number of qns regarding the 5Ws..and H..ah..it can avoided..haha

well..O's are gonna be over..prom's on the way..chicks are finding this finding that..trying their best..somehow to get that 'Glitters' theme covered..but to them..i'd have to declare..that you people should stop trying to find that thing whatever it may be..cause look at you people..you've been my stars..never ending smiles that brought light to my life..never ending nonsense that brought stupidity that led to laughter which adds on to the sparkles that are shown in your eyes..tskx2..you people should see yourselves in my eyes..hmm..what's the point of glittering when you can already shine..sentimental-ism kicked in the flirt..and im gonna go on..

that Graduation song holds more meaning than mere words doesnt it?feeling 3 times the hurt is really unbearable..the past,present and future..for [you]..hope has never subsided in me..and i guess it wont..for them..i'll just go with the flow..for the chicks..secondary life's gonna end..but it aint goodbye..4 years of knowing you people..i would'nt trade that even if you gave me anything..it's gonna be a hard prom..hard at partying..hard at eating and you people cant deny k..hehe..and yes..hard at holding those tears back..

come whatever

i love [thee],i love but [thee]
with a love that shall not die
til the Sun grows cold
ans the stars grow old

You Know You Love The Flirt





hmm...woke up at 7..slept back..woke up at 11..this waking up and sleeping back thing is getting to me..haha..hmm..was on the phone with lyla..she had her paper..what was it...umm..the subject regarding the earth..geography right..ya..the map thingie thing..ah whatever..i was so at home..watching cartoons..haha..gosh..this love and falling thing is hitting me hard..im falling in love with cartoon characters now..i watched the Winx Club on kids central..and they are the most gorgeous female cartoon characters i have ever seen..and they are fairies!!WOW!!the excitement just keeps burning..i mean where else does one find cartoon characters who has brains,beauty,power to oust all evil and everything else in between..tskx2*shakes head*oh and Kim Possible's one of them as well..and her naked mole rat..and not cause he's naked..haha..believe it or not..the flirt fell..for cartoons..right..hey..at least falling in love with cartoons dont hurt..and i cant make poems for my love of it..that'll just make me a goon wont it?haha..hmm

took bath..shower was spoilt..water was sprouting like a fountain..then watched mtv pick and play..the theme:first kiss..the song played:all my life..ouch![you] were on my mind..then went to town with nad..shopped for prom stuff..it was drizzling but we had our shades on..insanity got the best of us..got a belt..the cost was unbeliveable..nad got earrings for herself and lyla..i found smtg for prom..bought it at future state..the secret lies between me n nad..hahaha..oh and lyla..topshop had ntg much..lyla wntd us to check for her the price of a pair of heels..here it comes..$133..and she still wants it..and i spend alot..right..went around wisma basically..forever 21,isetan,G2000,phuture london..it had a skirt that had a tag of $70 plus?or $80?hmm..i could buy 16 boxes of Durex..nad got shoes at far east..i had to pay for her first..not enough cash..but aint a matter..i was flirting..she worked at one of the newly opened shops..bumped into her twice..smiled smiled walk away..[you] were on my mind..went to register our prepaids at tamp..went to simei bk cause nad was hungry..i was flirting again..with the counter person..nadia chan..looks mixed to me..then nad took a cab home..basic answer..she was lazy..OH WAIT!!!BEFORE I FORGET!NADIAH HAS ALOT ALOT ALOT..clue:i wasnt paying attn to the movie..TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK..im gona be outdone..nevermind..i can make my own..hahaha..nah..aint that desperate..but i do miss the..umm..nothing..rilla cute..

well..day turned into night so fast..history chapters aint even touched..argh!hmm..i dono what else to say..i had so many things to let go yet now im having a mental block..darn!

the night has a thousand eyes,and the day but one;
yet the light of the bright world dies,with the dying sun.
the mind has a thousand eyes,and the heart but one;
yet the light of a whole life dies,when love is done.

[you] were on my mind

You Know You Love The Flirt





falling
falling
in the abyss
i keep on going

looking up i see [you]
looking down i see darkness
reaching out to grab [you]
knowing too far i have fallen

struggling
suffocating
i want to grab something
miracles happen

do they?

falling
fallin
falli
fall
fal
fa
f





didnt have papers today..woke up at 7..slept back..woke up at 11..haha..then everything went so fast..talked to lyla..after hanging up..someone called asking me for help..so i rushed to take my bath..went to pay bills..wntd to deposit at simei but that damn thing was screwed so had to go to bedok..deposited,got bday cake,paid bill at SAM,gave cake,went to 7-11 to register prepaid but the machine was also screwed so went home..called the bill person and done..whoa!everything went by so fast..den i got hungry..but i hung on..haha..

ate lunch..realised been growing fatter..oh no!but no worries..haha..talked to lyla..nad went out with shaboy..haha..the agony of typing her name..or his name..whatever la..no offence nad..you know you love the flirt anyway..haha..so watched the movie sky high huh?yea..darkness..the two of you..bound to have smtg happening..and im sure im not gonna be disappointed when i see nad on friday..muahahahaha..cheekyness are overcoming all of my friends..and who are their fingers pointing to??hmm..i wonder..all im sure of is..that person should be hell of a cutie..and im sure my friends agree..hahahaha...okx2...fine..hehe

met with chickees..what a lucky night..haha..went to simpang bedok..drank lychee...haha..mmmm...ain vomitted...aww..but she's alright..been laughing non-stop..fira looked under the weather..but both are fine..talked alot laughed a lot..den got hungry..ate roti prata..haha..hmm..they went shopping for their prom night..yea..they'll be eye candy..though i'll be topping them..they're trying..hehe..hmm..talked about graduation..somehow..haha..heard the graduation song from vitamin A..no smtg's wrong..oh vitamin C!hahaha..the lyrics got to me..'will we survive it out there,will we make it somehow?'..yup..i couldnt have survived my secondary school years without my friends..and im sure i wouldnt survive any further without them in my life..so i,rilla amelya,thank you all for being there for me(hey im using my real name here..im serious ok..cant you people sense the seriousness??hahahahha..ok)smuaks!oh dont cry..we'll shed tears on the 28th k..if not tears then clothes..deal?hahahaha...

right..today was filled with communication with lyla..both of us were bored..haha..wntd to go out but her mum wouldnt let..
so ive just been at home..basically...hmm..but whatever i do..however i try to shake it off..[you] are still on my mind..and yes..i do love [you]..tonight was complimented with a beautiful moon with a bright yet small star just on the side..made me think of [you]..so beautiful and known to everybody..and me so small to yet still there right beside you..

ghost of [you]

You Know You Love The Flirt





Since [you] been gone
I been hangin' around here lately
With my mind messed up
Jumped in my car tried to clear my mind
Didn't help me
I guess I'm all messed up now baby

Soon as I jumped into my ride
Those memories start to play
A song comes on the radio
And there [you] are baby once again

It's just another sad love song
Rackin' my brain like crazy
Guess I'm all torn up
Be it fast or slow
It doesn't let go
Or shake me
And it's all because of [you]

Since [you've] been gone
I keep thinkin' about [you] baby
Gets me all choked up
This heart of mine keeps
Dreamin' of [you] and it's crazy
[You'd] think I'd had enough

As soon as I get [you] out my head
I'm in your car again
Just one request from the radio
I'm back in love sugar once again

Here comes the strings
Then somebody sings
Only takes a beat
And then it starts killin' me darlin'
Only takes one note, I tell ya
From that radio
It's just another lonely love song





woke up early..slept at 2 mom woke me up at 9..7hrs aint enough!!argh!!but whatever..went for breakfast with mom n pa at haig rd..cant really remember what i did..was thinking a lot..about [you]..was wondering what [you] would be doing..and at the same time was reminiscing about our times spent before..[you] have been on my mind a little too long..[you] even invaded in my dreams..or was i just hallucinating?aahh..somehow they're similar..i still love [you]..

it's funny how music has an effect on people..heard 'push the button' from sugababes while walking with parents at geylang..and that song turns people on doesnt it..well for the record..it turned me on..haha..i mean it went 'if you're ready for me boy,you'd better push the button and let me know,before I get the wrong idea and go,you're gonna miss the freak that I control'..the freak that i control??!!whoa..it blew me out..haha..yet when 'the lonliness' comes to mind..everything in my life crumbles..music is the key to the soul..i guess..apart from praying..hehe..hmm..oh!fergie is drop dead gorgeous!!!!!!!!!wooohhhooo!!!the 'my humps' video got me off from my seat..and i was gazing in awe with those moves fergie made..God!in my mind..i was like please dont end the song..she's shaking n moving n those bootylicious moves......aaahhh!!!the horror of seeing the video switch to a jay chou song is unbearable!!

*regains composure*right..hmm..mom's having her dinner n dance at suntec tonight..ending at 2am..she's not a mom..she's still a teen..wanting to follow me to get my prom tingies n all..hmm..though a lil bit terlanjur..the perangai..ek eh ak ah..tskx2..but she cant beat me..try coming home at 6am mom..without anybody knowing..haha..oh wait..papa will know..you're married..hahaha..hmm..she was ready at 5 when she had to be out by 6..i'll be ready at 6 when i have to be out by 6..depends on who im meeting..haha..anyway she had an hour left for looking in the mirror,adjustments and telling me what to tell lyla about her clothes..right..simply put..all black plus bling-blings and those long earings..try imagining that on a mom..impossible is nothing..haha..we had plans to go out for raye in the afternoon..pa declined..next week he says..get this..the family has only visited 1 house eversince hari raya..ONE..so dont blame me for lacking money..hmm..and i donno..pa doesnt wanna go to 3 of my uncles places..thinking he severed the ties..hmm..maybe..i donno..cos they couldnt lend him money..i assume..haish..money..again..

still laughed a lot today..wanted to ease my mind for awhile..but running away from the truth wont help..abang's still sore..i'm still sore..we're the 'hurt by love' siblings..he wants to make his own blog..pouring thoughts out im sure..he saw his ex with her man..it hurts the very 1st time..seeing both together..she's lost in his world..he's lost in hers..really..the ex not caring what you think of the relationship..yea..he said if she's happy then go ahead with it..i agree..siapelah kite..hanye merancang..his words..hit me..we're kinda in the same boat abang..but i dont want you to know my side..

siapalah aku di sisimu[you]

You Know You Love The Flirt





had to meet fira n lyla at 3.45..took my bath at 3.30..haha..surprinsingly it was a full bath with shampoo n soap n brushing of teeth..but foam was everywhere..the soap had to slip so many times..argh!infuriating moments in the bathroom..but made it..was just a teeny-weeny bit late..but i was forgiven..i hope..haha..went to iffah's place..found out that d's clothes costs.....600 bucks!!whoa..that's like 3 months of my allowance..anyway..didnt stay long..fira wntd to meet ain..guess ain still has a lot on her mind..sorry if i was the cause..or my blog was..did'nt mean for you to take things too deep and tink about umm whatever you're tinking of..sorry..!and if you're still confused..dont carry on reading..it'll make you go nuts..

nad n i went to xpo..exhibitions were exhibited..haha..from children's crap to factory priced clothes to a food fair..but what struck me was that singaporeans would wait and wait and wait..for a free cup of milo..that small cup that is available at sports days or X countries..right..that brings a lot of benefits huh?i guess it's marvellous what milo can do for you?oblivious people..cant they go home and make their own cup?kiasuism hasnt died yet..

it's shreding me..tearing me..breaking me into a person who is not able to face reality..not able to look ahead and dont turn back..lifeless..empty..lonely..shattered..everytime i see you smile i want to be happy for you..at least i know you're not suffering..you're not in any form of danger..yes i do feel happy for you..but still..however hard i try..an overwhelming feeling will take over..and if i had the tears to cry..i'd cry another atlantic..more than just 'i love you'..seeing those words made me choose to probably donate my cornea or retina or smtg..the wound is as fresh as it was before..and argh!!the sore..the pain..the agony..this is what happens when one loves too much..this is what happens when one gives more than all one is..shakespere once said, 'if love be rough with you,be rough with love;prick love for pricking and you beat love down'..but searching for the love we shared and wnting to follow shakespere's words..is unthinkable..and i wouldnt want to beat love..you gave me love..and our cherished moments were never made out of movies,food,shopping or even making out..those dont bring as much meaning as unforgetable moments that were made out of pure love..just for you..i love you..i did..i still do..brushing off this feeling aint that easy for me..a replacement is not an option..at all..the heart wont heal and the mind is blank..

do you still think of me,baby still?
do you dream of me at night?
just like i dream of you all the time
oh let me tell you how it feels
it's like everyday i die

im dying here
it's clear to see
there aint no you
God knows there aint no me
dont wanna live
i wanna die
if i cant have you in my life

the pain-death-no way out

You Know The Flirt Will Be Fine
You Know You Love The Flirt





maths was not do-able..at all..yes..trigo had to carry the heaviest marks..yes..rilla did'nt study that cambridge people..what happened to loci and simple or compound interests?you could've told us what to study right?take the trouble to fly papers over to london..aahh..i screwed that..as well as literature..did'nt have time to even read the poem..had the last 15 minutes to finish 2 essays?15 mins!!??right..only answered one part of the qn..the other was ziltch..im so bummed out..

bumped into my ex after maths..my heart skipped a beat or two..if it stopped i would'nt be surprised..it was a bright and sunny day..yet my ex still shone brighter than the sun..yes..that smile..that laughter..it does'nt bring memories..it keeps on adding to the ones i already have..it was like seeing an angel..no wait..my ex is more than an angel..being there when i was in a shithole and pulling me out..making me happy for the times we were together..supporting me more than anything else in the world..and loving me like i was the only person on earth..still remember our song..'i wanna grow old with you' by adam sandler in the movie 'wedding singer'..hmm..my ex is not just merely an angel..my ex is a guardian..is a person whom i'd always be thankful for..basically..my ex..to me..is everything..not exactly belonging to me..but once..my ex was..and i'll keep on hoping..though knowing it's near to impossible..

right..ain's confused..i hope she'll take things in her stride..one cant push love..one can only be patient and let love come..you gotta chill and scan thru your choices..yea ok..i'm not in a good position to really advice having dug back my feelings and all..but at least flirting for me was a temporary antidote..but i warn..it's only temporary..kenangan masih subur dalam lubuk hati..haish..i aint that strong..i just put up a strong front..but deep inside im still torn..yea..so ain..just to let you know..ive been lacking a flirting partner..haha..ah!that's another way to shift your thoughts..think about me..er..no..be retarded..be stupid..make a huge idiot of yourself..you'll be laughing..the people arnd you will be laughing..if not..just laugh..i do that..stress reliever..haha

hmm..ok..lyla proved me wrong..fine..i shall give you world-wide recognition..hahaha..hmm..but you still cant describe for nuts..haha..hmm..and im msging with you while writing about you..this is good..haha..right..next stop..nad..wellx2..NOW..who's getting the buy 1 get 1 free..who's getting the dragonflies..who's getting bitten??oh..i'm so wondering..haha..anyway..you've been a little back-tracked huh?ain,fira n i..we are far from only a few..we've had it in the most inappropriate places..we've had not only one..but..lets just say..more than that la eh..haha..still..im sure your moves were shown as well huh?hahaha..this is not right..im turning myself on..corruption..oh but not with nad in mind..haha..well..first meeting..first kiss..first bite..you beat me on that..my first meeting had no bites..uh-huh..surprised?but get this..the flirt had flowers..ffiiiwwiittt!!

im sitting here
thinking bout
how im gonna do without
you around
in my life
and how am i
gonna get by
aint got no days
just lonely nights
you want the truth
well,girl im not alright

that side of me

You Know You Love The Flirt





this aint good..still on papa's laptop..sorry pa..it's 2.05 in the morning..it's raining..heavily..lightning and thunder are present.somehow..im scared..yes..cant deny..hmm..abang's been up a few times..due to nightmares i assume..and he's been talking in his sleep..that man has to either wash his feet or say his prayers before sleeping..

this girl keeps calling home..aint abang's girl though..just a friend for jalan raye..guess this girl saw things on the other side..she called like what 10-15 minutes ago?right..expect my brother to be anticipating your call?sorry missy..he's asleep..and he just called my name..i think..in his sleep..wtf!!what is this man dreaming of?anyway..she called not once but twice..i dont get it..you mean if you call the 1st time and i say 'dier tengah tido' he will wake up when you call the 2nd time after a few minutes?come on girl..my brother has ns to serve..aiyo..i dont mind you calling la..but i get scared..phone ringing in the middle of the night..i mean morning..nightish morning..whatever..haha..it's creepy and freaky..the phone does'nt have a soft ring..it goes RRRINNNGGG RRRIIIINNNGGG!!!it makes me jump off from the chair you know..

it's 2.20..and still raining..and im sleepy but my eyes dont wanna follow the rest of the body..ive gotta wake up at 6.30..to wake abang..that's like what..4hrs and 10 mins from now?hmm..friends!!!are you people asleep?!wake up la..i scared..oh wait..nad will be awake..possibly..going out later in the afternoon ya my friend?haha..relax..everything's gonna be alright..meeting someone new for the very 1st time..an experience like no other..all comments will be kept to yourself even if she was wearing a geen shirt with orange pants and purple shoes..

ok..this is where i shall stop..haha..i think..i will..haha..
'Put the lime in the coke,you nut'

You Know You Love The Flirt





what an unearthly hour to write an entry..anyway..i've completed 2 of the most nerve wrecking,brain cracking papers..english and physics..and im not surprised if there are more to come..voraciously..when i find that dictionary of mine..that'll be the 1st bloody damn word im gonna find..why cant the passage be about food or reproduction..nox2..reproduction..the vocab will be asking about ovaries and contraceptives..how is one gonna explain that..i'd like to know..haha..

mind has been blank lately..not suffering from senile dementia or anything..but ya..it's been hard thinking about normal things..like flying kites,winking stars,smiling moon..oh great..im hallucinating..ironically..im not drunk nor high..guess the sleepiness is getting to me..but still..i will move on..i sound like a politician..pay me well and i will vote for you..haha..social studies..hmm..

lyla's not been feeling well..dumb person..she practically can open a personal pharmacy with her medications..yet..with that HUGE head of hers..she still can go for junk..like bubble tea..how much smarter can she get?ok wait..fyi..im being sarcastic k..you like to prasan kan..so have to set the tables str8..anyway then she infects the whole house with her disease..and she whines about her condition..right..the finger's not pointing at you huh?really..oh keep quiet..i know when you see this on your screen you'll be like..'so mean' or 'kau..tak bersalah sey' or 'what did i do?' or 'hey..jahat sey..bile mase aku cakap'..ye la..i know all your dialougues..so save it..muahaha

when one's lovelorn..people say..one's looking for love at all the wrong corners and take time to find another..but what if one keeps wanting that same person..yet does'nt want to be hurt once more?ha..questions..no answers..ive yet to get some..anyway..i think..love's not blind..really..it has one of the sharpest eyes and smartest mind..it comes when one least expects it cause if one already knows..they'll not be in for that surprise will they..and when they finally know they're in love..everything is perfect and time stands still..like one has one's partner for as long as one wants..so love is not actually blind..it's us who are blinded by it..

yea..flirt made a clean statement..that's one from a few..haha..well..shall end here..

You Know You Love The Flirt





right..feeling like my eyes are gonna pop out soon..well..tomorrow's the BIG day..hope to have great fun..yea..hmm..lets see..what happeneed today..i didnt take my bath till like what..7.30 or 8 in the night?mom asked why did i want to go and take my bath since im not going out..i just love that woman..i had an intention..dyed back my hair..yesx2..many tot it was a dumb idea..but listen..and you people will hear the sound of me not caring..haha..ye skarang bebual tak tapis..tapi tak kesah..hmm..what's becoming of me you ask?depends..

been gorging myself with food...lotsa food..and the toilet has me as a very frequent visitor..my digestive system is working well..hmm..relatives came today..got money..hahaha..abang asked me to follow to get mom cabbage..oh the irony..had to get it at tampines cos ntuc n the market did not have any..plausible?depends..so with both of us not having taken our baths,we went to get it..got home..abang went to meet his friend..i was alone..faced my relatives..all eyes were on me..yes..who can resist..talked about o's..i dont know why some people dont understand that im having my 1st paper tomorrow..stop asking me again and again what i'm having when ive already told you time and time again..gosh..

why does one wanna be associated in a relationship with a flirt when a flirt..flirts?i dont get it..but i cant deny ive been falling as well..i dont wanna hurt no more when im hurting myself..if i could tell you i love you..i would..but it would cause such a stir wouldnt it?and you're enjoying the flirting moments..so am i..so just hope you and i would'nt fall any deeper ya..forgetting one whom you were in a relationship with is hard,but ignoring the fact that you wanted to be in a relationship with another is harder..trust me on that..i think..hmm..

kay..gotta go to bed..before that..nature's calling..so cant hold any longer..*flirt.spoke*





yeah..this is gona be long..a blog is not personal..but it's the only place i go to write my thoughts..and in this case..my confession..hmm..it might seem that im really happy..trouble's not brewing in my life..to a certain point it's true..everything's been good..but still..behind every smile..a mile of tears flow..and behind every laughter..a memory of my past moves by..not just any past..the one that most thought i'd gotten over..

see..i'd been chancing upon my ex for a number of times..and the moment i see my ex..i just cant control anything..everything flows..and im not thinking wet things here..haha..oh well who am i kidding..hmm..my love flows..my thoughts flows..i become a truly happy person once again..but hearing reality telling me my ex's with someone..just hits me hard..and i fall down again..yes..everybody's heard of falling down..being hurt..and getting up again..but this time..it's different..i'm using the word 'my ex' for reason..it does'nt sound romantic at all..oh my God..but whatever..

ain,fyera,lyla,nad(i had time to put your names in alphabetical order..thank me)...i know ive been hiding this from you..i just didnt want to let you people worry..haish..if i could explain it i would..but i cant find any words in the limited vocabulary of mine to just tell you..im so sorry..flirting was a way that i took to just forget about my past..to let it go and move on..like you people told me to..however..how far can i go?yes ive been on the naughty side..but still..flashbacks are inevitable..and worse..i keep seeing that smile..hearing that laughter..looking into those glistening eyes..aaaahhhh..it feels like chocolate melting infont of my eyes..call me crazy..call me insane..call a doctor a psychiartrist..a nurse is even better though..they're so petite dont you people think?hahaha..argh!!somebody has to cure me..

God..this entry can become an essay..argh!!time is tthe best medicine..but i think that time is just there so that one can realise that one has to move on..yet i dont want to!waaaaaaaa!!!!the o's are 2 days away and this is on my mind..what am i thinking??but whatever lah..just wanted to let things out of my chest..once again..im not thinking dirty..hahahaha..ok..*flirt.confessed*





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