i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

a tribute to the most gorgeous 80-year old i have ever seen..my late grandma..

the second time i went to the hospital yesterday..i had a feeling something was going to be amiss..but you were so cheery..you gave me hope that you'll survive..you even asked me if i was going to come visit you the next day..i said i would..and you nodded..before i left..i kissed your hand..i kissed your forehead..and i whispered in your ear..i said 'nek..adik sayang nenek.'but grandma..i wasnt prepared for this..i did visit you the next day..around 1.30am..the doctor said your blood pressure was getting lower..i saw you trying to breathe..but i still had hope that you'll make it..but as the clock ticked..so did your life..i held your hand..i rubbed your feet..pa,uncle and auntie started reading Yasin..yet i still thought you were going to make it..but when they finished..everything stopped..including your breathing..

the nurse's words are fresh in my mind..i was by your bedside and when the oxygen mask came off..the nurse said 'umm..saye rase dier da..' and everyone in the room knew the ending to the sentence..mum cried and called you..she hugged you..and i just stood there..tears rolling down..looking at you..not wanting you to go..abang came up to me..we hugged so tight..he sshh-ed me..and i said 'adik taknak nenek pergi'..but you did..then abang consoled mum..pa didnt really cry..

waited for relatives to come..went home and changed..i just couldnt bear stepping into the room that you slept in nenek..and it's my room..your clothes are still there..went out to fetch another uncle then headed to ang mo kio where grandma's body lay..i read to you Al-Fatiha..i read to you Yasin..so did papa..and i didnt think pa would cry..cause he read it to you in the hospital..and now he's reading to you again..guess that hit him..

i bathed you your last bath..you looked so pale..i thought it was all a dream..i kissed you your last kiss..and i said to forgive me..dont worry nenek..adik da maafkan segala dosa..adik janji adik akan doakan nenek setiap hari dan adik pasti nenek akan berada dalam tempat yang dipenuhi oleh orang-orang beriman..the one thing that hit me so hard was when mum had a conversation with 2 of my aunties..mum said i was the last person grandma saw before she left this world..and the reply that i got was 'nenek sayangkan amel tu pasal amel orang terakhir yang dapat jumpe dier.'and i was blown away..really..ive never felt so touched before..

nenek..sepanjang hayat nenek di dunie ni..adik tahu nenek ade buat kesilapan-kesilapan..tapi nek..amel sebagai cucu nenek tak pernah lintas di fikiran untuk mendapat penganti..nenek ajar adik banyak bende..nenek sajelah yang boleh sembuh adik kalau adik jatuh..nenek da buat banyak untuk adik..sejak adik dilahirkan..nenek lah menjage adik..dari membuat susu ke mendodoi adik tidur..nenek yang memasak lauk-lauk yang adik gemar..tapi nek..sudah tibe masenye untuk nenek pulang ke tangan yang Mencipta..adik redha pemergian nenek..nenek telah membina mahligai yang dipenuhi dengan memori pahit manis di hati adik..adik tak akan lupekan nenek..bile tibe masenye kite bertemu kembali..kite akan membine mahligai yang lebih indah ye nek..sementare itu..adik hanye dapat berdoa..

amel sayang nenek

maafkan dosa-dosa amel

amel bangge kerana dapat seorang nenek yang dapat melawan peyakit..

tapi nenek tak kalah..walaupun nenek tiada disisi amel..dalam hati amel nenek masih hidup..

selama-lamanya