i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

i need to get a job.like real soon.i am going to get fat.and dad just resigned so i dont want everything to be relied on mum and big brother.though he doesnt really do much.i dont even remember the last time he gave my parents money.tsk tsk.he should be pampering them more than me.

anyway the family has reached the decision to move to pasir ris.hmm i am so excited.can you tell?okay.ARGH!i need to pack and clean and wear a dust mask.that might be an exception but i wouldnt wanna contract any dust-related diseases.pee-yew.see kids,when mum tells you to clean your room,do it.i didnt quite like the house though.it has a weird living room.it's narrow.i always thought living rooms were beeg.oh well.this proved me wrong.and and i get the smaller bedroom cause abang has this huge ass computer table.so before we argue,we settle with peace.

oh oh the room im going to get is where the previous owner does their ironing.that'll be great!oh yes it will.uh huh.the room it's pastel blue green sorta thing.oh boyy.im gonna paint that room so bad you wouldnt even recognize it.i dont care.haha.i have in mind what i wanna do with it.so i hope it turns out well.or i need the help of kids central's Groom My Room.haha.

hmm you know,im not the one to get disrespectful.i try not to be harsh to any of the people around me.but the most of all i never want to disrespect a family member.i went through that lesson once and that was all it took.i never thought i was a good grand-daughter.and i hope grandma forgives me.

so this time round,mum,i try to keep my voice down even though your words and actions ache me so many times.i know it's nothing compared to what you've gone through to give brother and i a good life.you're the best and dad too.but please no more of this.YOU told me you wouldnt do it again.but your words always fail to make me feel better.how much longer is this going to take?maybe i didnt quite understand but after that talk that night i thought it was over and maybe i over-reacted.but mum,i realized i didnt over-react.i dont know the full story and im afraid to ask dad cause i dont want to hear you quarrel at night.

you mean alot mum.a whole lot.so dont break me.cause you're one of them who's holding me together.

and nadd.it's true how hitting the heart is worse than skin.it's home base.you gotta feel some pain.

how emotions well up.





i dont know what's wrong.why let that one person affect you so much?i really dont get it.out of everybody.im clueless,im pissed,im angry,im mad,im confused,im lifeless.so what else do you want to give me?

ive painted so many beautiful pictures of my life.but you know life's not all about hahas and hehes.i try to talk to you about the hardships i go through but i always think again.cause one way or the other,i know we'll argue about it.that doesnt help.

i owe you so much.i didnt expect such a turn.i guess we dont know each other like we thought.well here you go.

everytime dad comes home,it's close to midnight.mum's not happy.who would.brother's at work or out.i stay up til dad comes home so i can accompany him sometimes i wake mum up cause she wants to eat with him.then i hear about what dad has to go through at work.it's not a nice picture and considering he's working in jurong,i know he's beat.he works everyday without an off and i dont know why.i know coming home late and working everyday has caused a glitch in my parents relationship.but they're working it out.that im thankful.i love it when dad calls mum and she still calls him sayang.

abang is infatuated with a girl who's engaged.i dont know what's going to happen to that.sometimes he brings her home and i just shake it off my mind to what they do.she's nice though.we've talked.but she's someone else's.

when im home,im scared.im scared of mum's paranoia,dad's temper and brother's recklessness.i dont need anymore.

please tina.i dont ask you much.just drop it.

let's get transparent.





ohkay.i am a serious bum.and to nad my smart-intelligent friend,a bum doesnt really mean you need to live in the streets.anyway after the day my friends and i met,i havent been out.hahaha.i mean go out and walk and shop and eat and breathe in smelly smoke.i have been at home watching tv.if people could get wasted by watching tv,i'd need to have a bypass.i know what's on at exactly what time and what channel.gah.and and if i was doing this 3,4 years(considering i am still 18.hah) ago,i would have been the model kid.i loved not coming home right after school.only laila does that.

smart-intelligent friend,i lied.the library was open yesterday.i didnt know la.i always thought they closed early.haha.peace.sorry i didnt reply you last night.YOU REPLIED AT 12.25AM WHICH WAS AN HOUR AFTER I SENT MINE.not my fault i had to sleep.haha.anyway i cant believe you replied that.i want to whack your forehead.real hard.

i have a valentine's date this year.and my date's a professional doctor.my date will see my inner side and tell me something nice.i hope.no it will happen.

I HAVE TO GO FOR AN XRAY.gah bah mah fah dah jah kah.so i hope she tells me im fine.yes she will.

i have lost track of time.i have 2 days to my trial and 4 days to the actual.i havent even finished studying.aiya.nadd will kill if i fail.haha.i will think real hard and pass.haha.

i am seeing things.i swore i saw it was raining.but the sun's right up in the sky.i need to get out.oh oh AH MENG DIED!rest in peace.an to think big brother doesnt know who ah meng was.he visited her more than i did.

mum:rudy!ah meng died.

bro:HUH?who died?

mum:ah meng la.you dont know?

bro:no.who's ah meng?

how could you forget a bestfriend abang.tsk.men.oh oh mum told me we have run out of tamarind cause when i was down with the fever a few weeks ago,she rubbed that on my forehead.oh trust me,when im ill,whatever mum says/does will work.haha.i threw away my pillow cover cause it was soaked.and my wall has it too.haha.im a rough sleeper.

right.i have other places to surf.

looking like a moviestar.





i have been puking alot.haha.okay no it actually sucks.i eat then i puke.im a puking vending machine.no im not bullimic.frankly,my body actually wants to slim down but i keep eating.or so that's what i made myself believe.haha.

i hate being sick for so TOOTING long.i have an immune system of a 1 year old.oh heck theirs are even better.i think.but i know i've infected my dad and brother with my germs.heh.sorry.but dad has to stop smoking and working so damn hard.kick him uh.heh.i hope they get well real soon.ya they will.

okay so back to me.haha.i went to the doctor's twice then a third,mum decided to bring me to the hospital.boo.it's a scary place la.heh.and so i had an Xray done and ive got some thingie on my right lung.GO AWAY LA THING.it's the cause of me coughing.it's not serious,it's mind over matter.i can do this shit.haha.maybe i shall talk to my lung everyday and ask the thing to disappear.it might work.heh.

then i kept vomitting after eating and mum wanted to take me to the doctor's again.gah.but i decided i didnt want to.since i went to see doctor's thrice and they gave me a whole different set of meds each time,i was afraid i'll be immune to them if i get sick again.so i didnt want to.AND PLEASE GOD I DONT EVER WANT TO BE SICK LIKE THIS EVER.

today i ate and did not puke.yay!haha.but i dont know,the onion rings i ate feel like they're at the back of my throat.no no.i can do this.digest little onion rings!haha.okay ya ive been at home too long as you might've noticed.but i dont feel like going out much.just in case i puke.

BUT!being the ever nice friend i am,today i met nad and laila and afie.ahh a late one for you afie.but it happened.heh.

oh oh.somebody's in love.OH MY FART.haha.you know i never really saw you in love.in awe and in lust got la.heh.sorry.but in love?tsk tsk.well it had to come sooner or later.HAHA.you actually know words to a malay emo-fied song that i didnt even recognize.hehehehehehe.cheeky giraffe.and if that's what you want,you know i'll always be rooting for you.and i can finally be in your place and poke fun at you.dont thank me,it's my pleasure.

i cant believe you're actually in love.hehe.

well i still have a little more before the clock strikes midnight so to KARTINA SUHAIMI,I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT 19TH AND A WONDERFUL REUNION DINNER.and i still refuse to sing.bleah.

happy chinese new year people!

okay my fingers feel like they're gonna cramp up.

medical indulgence.