i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

stop right here.

im not going to worry anymore.this is not helping.the more i think the more unanswered questions i find.im going to let you take the cake.but whenever you need help please feel free to ask.and only then will i help.just please i very much beg do not bring us to square one.

cause ive had enough.

i only need a cure for those moments of blame.i still havent found it yet.

cause i cant express everything i feel in words.

i am very grateful to you two.and dont worry.i'll be A*okay.haha.soon.

cause im tired of making the phone damp.

kartina.my condolences to you and the family.you'll be alright.hang on okay?breathe and dont forget to continue breathing.heh.you know the number yes?

cause you know im here;





the net is back in business.

argh.i feel suffocated.let me breathe.funny how i keep telling them to breathe but my air pocket is so limited.i dont know what's come over.

maybe..

it's that constant blame
it's those piercing words
it's my wandering emotions
it's that im home alot
it's money
it's that i think/feel too much
it's cause im shy
it's cause i like to shut up
it's cause hormones are taking over
it's just cause.

and therefore..

i want a baseball bat to whack and trash
i want a punching bag to rip
i want a loaded gun to just fire
i want these walls to talk
i want those souls to not worry
i want this mind to be at ease
i want this heart to keep beating
i dont want these eyes to well.

hang me on the ceiling and punch,why dont you?
that'll save me from your words,your raised voice.you dont know do you?you dont have a clue.oh mum.you dont.i wished you knew.and if ever you're keeping something,i wished you'd say it.dont give me tough love,im not used to it.

StarX
thank you.i cant say enough.i hope your way's going well.you hot chick you.

oh God.please listen and tell me what's wrong.

before these veins pop;





when it hits you back in the ears.

my room is empty.the bedframe is still there cause the movers arent here yet.they'll be here thursday.and the kanchiong spiders want my family to move by tomorrow.this is agitating me.i hate when mum BANGS on the door to wake me up.so i was cranky.gah.

im telling you the kanchiong spiders are annoying.we agreed to move at the end of the month.and i dont know why they are making us shift now.i mean okay they want to renovate the house but we want to renovate pasir ris too.so since pasir ris is already empty-ish let us see what we want to do with it.and in the meantime we need somewhere to stay la kan.and they're living in their parent's place so live there first la.then can come here trash the house or whatnot.cause we dont mind contractors you know.

i despise the fact that we are doing this at the very last minute.

crapshitthissuckslikefuck.

so anyway.i knew this was going to come.the part where mum talks about how much money they're paying to send me to school.yes mum.i know.dont need to aggravate the situation.me waking up pissed and annoyed is way more than enough.

hello frustration may i speak to patience?;





today's heat took over mum.

she walked around the whole house-bottomless.she had this top on which,like you know,covered her butt.haha.i dont think she's letting me tell this to people so hush okay?haha.it was rather interesting though seeing her walk around and not caring like she's not doing anything wrong.cause the brother was at home.and if he had woken up to see mum like that,he wished he kept on sleeping.haha.

oh well.

first it was the end then it was mid now it's next week.aiya.come on people make up your minds.and this im referring to moving.i only packed my things that day.it was ONE day.gimme a few more to complete la.i still need to think if i want to bring that shirt or not or that pants or you know,if i want to throw anything away.gee.

kanchiong spider la these people.i am thinking it might be their first house that they bought.but relaaxx laaa.we'll move out people dont worry.as much as i love this house cause it has treated me well.it hasnt spooked me or anything bad.if those walls could speak i'll tell them to take care.and miss me and all the things ive done.haha.

i need to have the acceptance letter to get the loan.and i have no idea where it is.crap.

two is a charm;





great minds make you think less.

papa the cleverhead took an off today.so he has the whole weekend and monday to burn.there goes the tv i tell you.he's going to hog his cnn cnbc espn hallmark and the stock channel.i hate his stock channel.it shows moving numbers that i cant make sense of.but i like the colours they display.haha.

i want to be 3 and have no care in the world again.i dont know why 3 though.i dont remember myself being 3.i think most prolly i was smiling to everyone or crying and making everyone stuff milk in my mouth.or some gooey porridge which i miss.haha.okay not really.porridge reminds me of being ill.gah.

i do not i repeat do not feel like going anywhere today.

the reasons why
1. i dont want to bathe.
2. i am broke like seriously.
3. i talk alot of crap that nobody wants to hear.
4. i talk about babies and how they are made.
5. i'll feel annoyed and start biting people.
6. then i'll think im having some disorder.
7. i'll start blabbering and stammering and im not sure why.

HAHA.

i need to breathe.when mother's are pushing their baby/ies out of their tummy is it possible for them to fart?will the baby/ies come out faster that way?

oh oh.tomorrow papa is taking me to see if we are eligible for the mdis loan so i can do something productive and go to school.haha.yea im going to make my parents prouddd.haha.i want to eat chokkollattss.i hate the way m&m's get stuck to my throat when i eat a handful at once.it'll tell my brain that im going to get sick.so then i stop eating.gah gah.

this is what i mean when i say no.3,half of no.5 and i think no. 7 is coming fairly soon.

AND MUMMY IS COMING HOME LIKE NOW!!YAY YAY!we are going to have dinner i dont care.i'll throw a fit if i have to.haha.not really cause my parents will prolly make a pact to shut me up.but we are going for dinner.hmph.i mean later la.we're not going to have dinner now.nobody has dinner at noonish area.haha.

in the middle of sleepy&ecstasy;





hangover.

i woke up and cant remember why i did.i meant.not that way la.im not depressed and want to die or anything.i just didnt know why i keep waking up soooo early!i dont like.i slept at 3 last night and woke up at 10.which i know dont sound as bad but but i was at a chalet and everybody knows that takes up energy.haha.

i went home in a cab and there's just those few days/nights that you want a silent cabby.those who pick you up and drop you.that's all.last night i wished i had one of those.i didnt want to listen to him asking me questions about downtown east but i just rambled along.i wanted to hear songs from my phone la uncle.aiya.

then i wanted to pay by nets but after numerous tries he decided to drive me to the nearest posb.gah.and that was mum's atm i took out from.heh.i'll put the money back in.dont worry im the nice kid.haha.

ohhh laaiillaaa.haha.look i know it feels.it sucks so bad you want to keeelll someone.but im sure what you had was bliss.so just remember that and forget everything else that came after.the pain the hurt the agony the unanswered questions.forget it.it'll make you want to bang your head on the wall.i wanted to do it 25 times.

the past always has its way to either put a smile on your face or bring those tears.and im sure you've had enough of crying now.so i think la kan you should smile cause he's a clown and clowns make you smile.unless you're tina cause she scared of clowns.heh.oops.sorry tina.i tell seekret.

gah.so laila is feeling that way and nadd cant tell the person she loves that she loves him.tsk.this is making my head itch.hahaha.no i mean i actually dont know what to do.and i dont think staring at my keyboard will do any good.but but i'll be here there wherever when you need me or my green ear keychain and nadd,i dont break promises.

StarX and a closet full of black.

anyway.im having this feeling to do something.but i dont know what.EH WHY AH?!annoying la.haha.i think i want to help the karung guni man honk his horn.haha.

return the keys to these hearts,please;





Mother's Day.

you're especially reminded,you need to be thankful.not just today but every other day.and mum,i love you.and im very much glad you brought me into this world.you taught me how to pick myself up when i was broken and i have never felt a lack of love.ever.

i missed those days though.that you'll pamper my butt off.bringing me to the library and reading to me while feeding me.and taking me to the pool and sit there just watching me do whatever.i usually talk to myself if you noticed.haha.but im celebrating my last teen year and those were fine memories.so now i want to take care of you just like how you did me.

to you,with all i got.

now now.i dont know what's wrong with little woman.ALLOO?are you okay?i want to know the reason for all these tears.i knew you werent right last night cause YOU will not leave a conversation with me for a BOOK.and you made every conversation 10 seconds or less.i wanted to call smart-intelligent but i couldnt.cause yesterday was the full-house-waiting-list day.so i hadnt have much time on my hands.i hope you're alright.if you dont want to talk to me then my green ear keychain is right there.yes?

okay.now i got a shock when fyera's number popped out.WAHLAO DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE MET?!!idiot.haha.but sorry i couldnt join you.heh.hari ibu la deii.staying home and follow the parents.haha.

talking about follow the parents.i think we're going out for dinner.that means i actually need to bathe.oh noooo.haha.fine.

let me take out that sore;





i hate waking up before the alarm.

i dont know what the heck woke me up first.it sounded like someone was banging on the cement disposal thingie.haha.upstairs neighbour's renovating so they're having new floors i guess.but they wake me up ever so early.then dad called and asked what bus goes to geylang market from bedok.i think it's 7 so i hope they dont get lost.if they do im going to get some speech about how i dont know my bus routes.dont worry it wont sound as bad.haha.

now the next block neighbour's hammering something and im hearing someone play the piano.gee.all these people are out to get me.and why are so many people renovating?stop it eh.haha.

gah bah fah.

if you could hear me then please know that i really miss you.so very much.i wish i could see and hear you.i really do.you're never far but never near.sometimes i just want you here.here here here.but it's okay.this space in this beating muslce's for you.

im hungry.i want to eat the tastiest stars in the universe!some kind soul please get it for meeee.heh.ahh and tomorrow's mother's day.im going to wrap myself in some sexy hot pink wrapping paper and lie on my parent's bed.then i'll put a card on top of myself that says'TO MUM WITH LOVE.'ya huh.im semart.

i bet you didnt think of that.heh.

i need the toilet.

and a movie.

KARTINA!i hope you're okay.i really am drained with the smart things to say.i shall scout for more.haha.but in the meantime dont stress yourself out so much.it wont help.yes yes?breathe.yes yes?heh.

i love nadd and lyla.cause in nadd's arms i feel warmth and in lyla's i feel comfort.couldnt ask for more.

i swear i'll never let you down;





never thought i would say this.

today i feel bitchy.haha.no really.and i have a good reason okay.the period's here and im constantly hungry/thirsty.gah.i had sandwich and not a clue how many cups of water at work,a muffin and a cappuccino after work cause i want to feel like one of those office people,and now i dont know what i want.

im getting tired of usher's in the club song.i got real hooked to it for the first few times.until i came to work and kept hearing it being repeated every 15-20 minutes.then i was like okay usher,i dont want to tell you what im sipping on and i dont care who you want to make love with and where.just please sing another song and dont bother me.

and and i went to pay the cable today before work.i threw away the receipt cause i didnt think it would matter.but no.it did.the parents wanted starhub to activate cable now today.but since i threw the oh-so-important away,they cant cause they need the whatever number.you know the one to check and see that im not lying and i paid.ya.this is going to be long.

i told mum and she was like cannot go back to the S.A.M and reprint the receipt?hmmmm yes mum.that might happen if i was the only one who paid today.and if i knew how to reprint the receipt.THEN dad called.and told me to find back the receipt.and i told him i threw it away.so he was telling ME to PUT MY HAND in the BIN and take back.like really now.everybody knows cable repeats their shows.must until like this meh?

tsk.

da.im going to throw my bitch fit to people.

ROAR!





i missed lying my head on dad's tumtum.

and so today i did!haha.but he shoved me off after a while.with the reason of him wanting to turn his body to the side.bleah.it was nice feeling my head follow the rhythm of his breathing.when i was small i tried my best to lie softly on his tumtum cause i thought he would have difficulty breathing.haha.i was brought up as a nice kid.heh.still very much am.hahaha.

so tomorrow which is later sorta,the parents and i will be going to the singapore flyer.haha.yea since mum was talking about it and i just got my ahem,pay,it shall be my treat.but when i get hungry they buy eh.hahaha.i just hope it wont bore us.since it's 30mins in a capsule.and it moves like a millimeter per minute.haha.okay lie.but seriously dont bore us.we get bored easily.haha.

maybe we might see superman.

oh oh did you know mariah carey's married?to like umm nick cannon?aiya.what a pair.mariah carey okay the high-pitched-big blonde haired-busty really busty-mariah carey.with scrawny-almost stick like body-bald-wild n out/nickelodeon dude-nick cannon.gee.but he was nice.he designed the ring he gave mariah.all 17 carats.and it's pink.surprise surprise.

oh why did you have to run your game on me,i should have known right from the start you'd go and break my heart.hahaha.i actually liked that song.heh.

nad.tell aqil he's cute with his 3 or was it 4 teeth?haha.and curling hair.oh my God.he is so cute.i want to sit on him.haha.and i hope you're all better even a bit makes a diiference.and we better meet soon with the little woman.SOOON.thursday soon.heh.i missed you la.i know we just met like at your doorstep.but i still miss you.hah.

and SO!now is officially the 4th.

reminder:RILLA'S BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 2ND OF JUNE.

hahahahaha.oh who cares.im going to say what i want.bleah.you can call the police.and hey bedok's mac had a renovation and now it's all bigger.they knocked down the pillar thingie that was previously near the counter area.yea.you cant really hide from anyone there.cept the corner with the hugeass mirrors.heh.

okay.sleep time.

steady feet dont fail me now;