i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

i tried.

with all my might and all that i got i did.so very hard.i gave in just so you wouldnt flare up anymore.i took your hands,sweaty or not,and held it firm so that you wouldnt fall.i swung all your swings away or at least i tried.and yes,there were so many times i failed.so many times i hurt you.but nevertheless.i didnt stop loving you.

but you forgot i had feelings and i was human.you forgot the reasons why i take the blame.you forgot that i was yours and you were mine.you were so scared,love.so scared til i couldnt take it.i tried.i really did try to re-think my decision and give our relationship another go.but i was afraid.of what might happen.of you.of us.

so many of your entries have me in it.and it brings me so much pain.i dont want you to suffer.i dont want you to be miserable.i am sorry i made you feel this way.i am sorry i cant be there.i am sorry that we didnt last.but please,if i could go on my knees,im begging you.try not to think of the could haves/should haves/would haves.stop asking questions and the what ifs.just please dont make it any more painful than it already is.i know i dont usually talk about us.but tomorrow is the 1st.and after gerald,i just needed you to know.

im sorry about the unhappy ending.i am so sorry.

the hardest story i had to tell;





fun and mental is fundamental.

zomg.i am at work and so i should be working.but i am so bored.i cant find anything to do.bleah.i am typing this post while constantly looking behind my back.tsk.later kena kick.haha.whoa.this dude stays on the 24th floor.gee.and if the elevator decides to malfunction how?tsktsk.

KAPOW!

i still have a good 3 hours plusplus left to kill.oh my God.and i shouldve been fasting today.nobody told me!aiya.bahaha.i am hungry.i had like a black pepper crab puff for lunch and i still have space.bleah.oh oh.i think mum ordered pizza.i am going to get bloated.woohoo!haha.

somethings are so difficult to express.and what do you do when to reach those kinda situations?huh huh?if if you open your mouth and you think you're being nice by telling, and the person so does not welcome the news, what do you do?hahaha.okay.please dont mind me.it's just my silly brain at it's peak.gahh.work is selowww-lyyy killing my brain cells.

oh oh i submitted my assignment really late on friday.like close to 2 hours late.please dont screw me.bleahhh.i cant wait for this semester to be over.really.all the modules would kill the dead one more time if they had to study it.zomg.

oookayy.i shall let my heart beat like normal and try to avoid this sweat building up on my palms.haha.this was a thrilling post to type.woohoo!

wonderful&super;





pass me mr dan.

i am still tired from sunday's sleepover.and i am up at this hour because i had to submit my assignment.gahbahfah.and ive got another that would seriously make my brain hiccup.zomg.i need a pickmeup.someone something anyone anything.read those 9 articles and interlink them together with a limt of 1800.and please ensure it is related to workplace relations.the most driest of all topics to cover.even droughts are wetter.zomg.i am not making sense.

the rain is lulling me back to sleep.which i think would be my next move.having breakfast now would just keep me awake and then i'll sleep early tonight.which i want to avoid because i havent searched for my articles yet and the due date is friday.yay me.but i have a craving at the tip of my tongue.i want to stuff hotcakes with maple syrup and butter in my face.but it's pouring and i feel bad for the delivery dude/dudette.well i cant discriminate now can i.haha.

i shall leave this tormented post.bahahaha.

OH OH PEOPLE WERE STUCK ON THE FLYER FOR 6 HOURS CAUSE OF A POWER DISRUPTION.now that's what i call good fun.wheewhooo!!

mount faber and cable cars;





a wink didnt even go by.

the night at laila's and the sentosa trip after that was a downright killer.for the first time nadd could stay over and i seekretly did without telling the parents.heh.sshh.so anyway,us 3 talked so much we didnt sleep and had a show and tell and then we headed for sentosa.hahaha.

and i cant remember the last time i put on sunscreen.but yesterday i did!haha.i am in love with the smell of sunscreen.mmmm mmmm goood.haha.and the little one made me drop my shades in the sea.thanks.you the best.pffffft.hahaha.but hey no worries,dont cry.and nadd was with her vavavooom-ness.zomg.and i actually like stuffing my feet in the sand.bahaha.oh oh we were with nadd's friends too too and mairah.haha.she is cute.she can fit into kids clothes.haha.no im not lying.at least she gets to save on the cost.i dont know why adult clothes cost so much.it's just a tad more cloth.hmmph.

NAD.take away your thoughts.we know what you were thinking when you left us in the sea.bleah.

hahaha.i know i dissapoint people.im sure they understand i cant be there all the time but when they need me i am not there either.for them to talk to for them to cry on for them to do anything.thanks for rubbing it in though.no im not pissed.im dissapointed.in myself.cause it has always been me taking the fall.and no,im not tired.im just hoping you dont blame yourself.

i dislike workplace relations.the classes are a bore and the assignments are chores.and zomg,that rhymed.haha.so til the next one.




meet the heart and soul.

im hungry.

eiffel tower and a safe place;







engagements,marriages and such.

it seemed like it was just that day i left ping yi.and no dont worry,this is not going to be about how i LOVED it.heh.it's about how the people around me are tied down so fast.extremely fast.i dont recall any of them having shotgun weddings and i really hope i dont come across that.so that ring on their finger means a whole lot more than a fashion statement and the perception that they are attached.and not the try-out sessions definition.it's the REAL THING.

zomg.

okay.moving on.haha.i skipped class.hahaha.i am evil.i shall not skip class anymore.ive skipped enough for this semester.it's a long and painful semester but i'll drag through.haha.it also caused me to lie to my parents so it's not something i want to do.it bad.heh.

NADIAH AL-ANSARI.now you need a question and answer session from me and laila.oh you know you do.and i hope your sister is fine though.giving birth all.hehe.so exciting.haha.and also your sister-in-law.mann,your house is going to be filled with tots.and is your sister-in-law going to give birth to a boy?then you'll be an aunt to 3 boys.headspin or what.haha.aunt.hehehehe.

i did boo-boo at work.oops.heh.i have driving today.zoom zoom.haha.i get a high in times like this.haha.now i shall find articles for my next assignment.or maybe i shall just play facebook.or call up my friends and invade their sleep.ohhh will i get a whacking.haha.

once upon a wish;





yes.

take me where i belong.it's moving too fast i just want to stop and catch my breath;smell a rose or two.i dont know if this is part of growing up or it's just me and my nonsense.all i know is that i hope this passes on like a relay.

nad.thank you.and i am assuring you that the previous post was not about you.it's just that i stole your words.well actually that was your entire entry.haha.and how i look at it might be a tad different from you but we're somewhere there.i can feel our waves meeting.haha.so we shall sit back and be a little cautious when going to the fifth gear but still,we'll make it through.haha.and hey,dont rush.

i need someone's opinion on something.i dont know if i did the right thing.cause after it happened it felt like im not even supposed to tumble over the specified object.and to think i made sure it would be no where to be found.but the very instinct that came to mind was delete.i felt a sense of disappointment in me and i just didnt want it to brew any further.but i dont even know the whole story.tsk.my mind seekretly bought a recorder.now it's playing that moment over and over.bleah.

okay enough of ____.

here comes the good part.i came back to an enormous serving of steak.zomg.i didnt even finish it.haha.i sent it to the trash can a.k.a the brother.hahahaha.okay not trash can la.you know i love him.haha.but he finished mine and mum's and also his own plate so see,i have an explanation.heh.actually the good part was to come back and taste mum's cooking.it has been aeons since i had her cooking my tumtum.and tomorrow she is not working so i shall gobble gobble somemore.haha.

i have a portfolio to do.so here we go.

i'll wait on that cloud;





everyone has their days and moods.

fucking hell i need a smoke.damn it.

i need to fucking stop this head massacre.

nad said what i wanted to say but never could.i love you woman.

cause when i feel like a loser,you make it all better.no really,you do.and no im not being sarcastic.

i feel cracks;





imaginary companions.

i know i sound crazy but i do have them.they are always there and they listen to my every whim cry screwed up moments etc.they just dont speak back.and i would jump off my seat if they ever did.with friends like nad and lyla who would need imaginations right.but well i have my moments.and i dont want to be a bother.and this is going to start a questionnaire but it's the afternoon brain at work.and it's as random as it can get.

it's been cracked broken plastered all over again.it has gone through the same process so many times counting would just hurt.sometimes i get fed up.at myself and my four walls.i wonder if this makes any sense.

trying;