i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

take back the sting.baby,please dont leave.

i hope you'll reach in and really gather your emotions.we dont like seeing you lost and confused.we dont like seeing you dazed and taking in everything.you've been very much the greatest friend anyone can have and we are totally blessed to have you.and right now,we know you're all over the place.you have alot going on and you're beginning to resent it.if we could give/say to you something anything to make you feel the least bit better,please please do speak.but in the meantime,hang on.i dont know what to say.you've heard my mind.and i know you dont want to lose and either way,it's going to be the same.not asking will leave you clueless and asking will make things different.AND I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE CLUELESS.i dont blame you.but you always seem so distant when we're right there.

just one thing,take your time.

the stool mum bought me has buttons that arent very butt-friendly.or maybe ive been sitting on it for too long.but still,it is my butt we are talking about.heh.so today or yesterday whateverwhichever,was well-spent.cause i met them both and all we did was eat and laugh.it was us 3 being fat and happy.and for that moment,nothing else mattered.zomg.i am becoming a tad soft.ahh i feel like having mr softie.been awhile since i had that.the last i remembered,it tasted good.i wonder if it still does.heh.

and before it slips,
HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY AFIEFATAL MISSMURDER IHAVENOCLUEHOWTOSPELLYOURFULLNAME BINTE MOHD ROSLAN!!!!!

hahaha.we sharex2 father name.JUST THE NAME.hehe.i had the decency to make your age microscopic.heh.but why bother about age.now you can sit back and look at all the upcoming minahlians and laugh in their face.heh.sorry i was just traumatised by the growing minah population in ping yi.zomg.too many.so so i is pray you dipanjangkan umur and murah rezeki okay?best.and please dont mind my malay.it has gone haywire.haha.

laila cannot go overseas and study.nadiah and i will not approve of it.heh.

just stop it from ringing;





it must be the heat.

well ive seen them melt,broken down in front of my eyes.it's heart wrenching to watch and it's harder to coax.cause i know i can never know exactly,right down to the core,how they feel.i feel the pinch,i feel the pain.just not too sure how they really are.but i know it's there.and to them,i give my love,my strength,my faith,my belief.that somehow they'll pull through.and not without vices eh miss babat juicy eh.hahaha.what a name.

so on a lighter note.I AM DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER.just to please myself.i still have the assignments to complete.zomg.this is taking longer than it should.but i guess,as GV Nathan used to say,it's the rigour that you put your mind through,the rigour.or something like that.and fyi,he is not a made up name.i didnt randomly choose that by putting the name of a cinema and the president's together.there is someone holding on to that.very strongly.i think if you google him,he would have covered all the jobs in the world other than being in the parliment.or actually,you might never know.haha.okay too much.heh.

oh and to the chinese people in my life,HAPPY NEW YEAR YAWW!i want no oranges just red packets.too much oranges make me cough but too much red packets,oh well,there's never a 'too much' for that.haha.i am going kookoo.

tanya bintang-bintang hanya kaulah yang ku sayang;





wishes.

ive made alot of them.from wanting meaningless stuff to emotion related from another day with grandma to making time move fast when in class.and of course,most of them hardly came true.haha.but i count my blessings.

now this one wish i am adamant on making come true.cause i know it can happen.i just need to find a way.devise a plan.something.you dont know how this is making me feel.i am fucking miserable.i am filled with guilt and anger,fear and remorse.i feel like i want to cry but i see no point.i want to scream but my voice wont carry.i want to melt into someone's arms but i know in my room,im alone.

im annoyed by accusations,assumptions.cause frankly,i know you have no idea.it's ambiguous;what we have.and my mistake was to avoid every acknowledgement.my mistake was to leave you without a clue,without a reason why.that i am sorry.i have no words that could explain without it sounding like a lame excuse.

but please,i am tired of that tone you give me.i try so hard to not be affected but i am.everytime.sometimes i want to tell you but i know we'd end up arguing.and so brushing it aside is my main ammo.but it has become a casual thing.too casual.cause i know,ive hurt you.yet again.if telling you causes pain and not telling you is just pending pain,i wish you could just try to understand.

upon that star;





tag.

my parents were playing that today.in the house.and i was happily watching tv while watching them run around.hahahaha.they are adorable.and boyy do i love them.it's moments like this that i hold dear.and i finally like after i dont know how long,went out for lunch with them.tsktsk.this no good.haha.

but it was a good well spent sunday.

now.someone found me on friendster.haha.and we kinda bumped into each other like a couple of times but we didnt converse you know.and i didnt think she would actually find me.but lo and behold,NADIAH AL-ANSARI has her friend connected to this person.i think NADIAH AL-ANSARI knows too many people.so when you read this,may you please help me refresh my memory and tell me who is nadiah.i mean another nadiah.oh my God.i am confusing myself.alaa just call me la.haha.

RAR is missing from my side.i actually forgot about it.i am so sorry.now i cant listen to you nemore.but i'll get you back soon.like in a couple of hours.although i am tired of the songs in you,i still want to hold you.zomg.i am becoming retarded.haha.i shall oppose that.shhoo.heh.

and here's to NUR HUMAIRAH BINTE SHAIK DAWOOD.i think.i mean not too sure about the full name there.so heh.in like close to 12 hours you are getting your results!you should rejoice baby.it's like this lingering thought finally is going KAPISH!haha.im sure you did well,love.no worries.AND DONT CRY LA.wth.haha.

okay.i keep pressing the enter button twice to go to the next paragraph.i need sleep.

WHAMBAMCLINGCLANG.

oh oh.usher's trading places video is like...fillintheblank.

my solid ground;

a new book.

the past 228 chapters of my life has been a blast.and here's to the many more to come,God willing.now i couldnt say i ushered my '09 with with a whambamclingclangkapow.i actually began it with a bench in a park.mann.dont even talk about my mood.it slipped away at the slightest glimpse of party people.

oh well.i am still trying to regain back what went down the drain cause i seriously am not fully recharged.but i guess it should turn up sometime soon.i really expect it to.if it doesnt,i am going to run to an asylum.heh.

twenty.i am turning twenty in 6 months.i dont feel the part play the part look the part heck not even my mum realises my age.now the line 'age is just a number' feels like such a lame excuse.cause at this moment,it seems like age means you're old.but alive.and for that i thank God.there's actually alot for me to look forward to but twenty,like someone once said and i think it's kurseth,is such an in between age.i cant watch r21 movies,i cant enter gotham penthouse,i cant buy a house although i seekretly have one.bahahahaha.but i guess i'll make the best out of it.

and and God,could you please listen to this beating muscle and soothe it?cause only You would understand.

KAPOW!

haha.i watched cartoons today.and spongebob's laughter is rather annoying.haha.i was looking forward to seeing gary but he didnt appear.and i caught totally spies,winx club,digimon,pokemon and shrek the third.which is actually a movie but you know.haha.i want to go out.my butt says it doesnt want to be on a chair or on a bed.fgliadjbdhlkzfgsdnofi'hgsdfz.

HAVE A GOOD '09 LASSIES & LADS.

it started with an embrace rolling downs wiping off;