i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

we were built this way.

or it might just be me.either way i know we go through that much obstacles God passes down to us.and everything happens for a reason;no matter how cliched that sounded like.every birth,death,blink,wink,heartbeats,heartbreaks.and for every reason,a choice was made.and for the reason of love,im glad we chose to stick by each other.ive put you through so many rough patches and bumpy roads.sometimes,i want to bury my head underground and just have that moment of peace and think.no,not think.to exhale.ive been holding my breath for so long hoping you wont give up.and i am still holding on.cause i dont know if ive pushed you too far.i dont know if you'd walk away.and no,im not doubting you,though it sounds like i am.i just am clueless.cause i always thought it was all or nothing.or i might have to grow up.

rain makes me emo-fried.but i like the rain.been a while since i saw droplets of water slowly trickle then quickly slip.i missed feeling rain on my head and body.okayy.i really think the warmth of last week completely fried my brain.completely.

nadd's leaving laila and i to go to malacca at the end of the week.which is also the end of the month.february always seems to fly so fast.it just seemed last week was the end of january.boo.tomorrow is laila's last paper and i wish you all the best.no worries and please dont panic.you'll do fine just like how you did for so many other papers.zomg.i have school on friday.i tend to forget that.bleah.

and with this vow;





technology.

i feel so low turning to this to reply but i know facing you would be so so hard.im not trying to run away neither am i wanting to hide.but i cannot do this.i cannot keep hurting the you,me,the people surrounding us and her.ive put you people through alot.ive said so many sorrys that meant each more than the last one.and i dont want the meaning to be blurred.i firmly believe what it means and i stand by that.

i loved you.i loved you so so much.i didnt want to seperate from you.i wanted us to go visit MrCheesyMoon and the MilkyWay made of milk.i remember all the places we wanted to go.i remember what we had.i remember so many first's.i remember your birthday at sentosa.i remember our fits.i remember our arguements.i remember sunflowers.i remember 6226.i remember all the times you covered my butt at work cause you knew i was so so worn out.i remember my 7 months in waiting.i remember my friends thinking i was going crazy.i remember your innocence.i remember your pain.i remember pudgy.i remember green.i remember cats.i remember yew tee and how we bumped into your mum.i remember every detail of what we had.but i also remember we are over.

im sorry for making you feel like shit.im sorry for making you anticipate for my texts,my calls.im sorry for disrupting your life,your art,your thoughts,your feelings,your mishmashed brain.im sorry for letting you have hope that we'll be pieced back together.im sorry for not being there.im sorry for avoiding so much of what you wanted to show me.im sorry for ignoring the fact that you are right there infront of me;being so much in pain.im sorry for not being able to cure you.im sorry for making you hate me.no,im not sorry for that.i deserve your every bit of hate.but im sorry for not catching you in the end.i am so sorry.

if you die before you wake,i'll do all those you mentioned.i will.cause at least i know i made you the least bit happy.at least i know you didnt go with a stab in your heart with my name written all over it.at least i know,for that moment,i made your day.and i will cry for you.im not human if i dont.and i have feelings that confirm that.

dont compare me to your suitors.dont compare me to those who caught your eye.im not someone you want to compare a lover to.you didnt see my flaws.you didnt see what i was capable of.and you ended up hurt.you wouldnt want your next to hurt you this bad.and i pray you wont get someone who hurts you,even the tiniest bit.

i realise the changes you made.i know you're calmer but inside you're a whirlwind.i know you havent let the smallest amount of love for us go but you're not going to rach asking why is life so unfair and crying.i know what the 1st does to you but you're keeping it in,knowing if you push me,id get more frustrated.i know you did all these for me.and i thank you.so so much.but im sorry for not being able to give you what you want.

you were a great lover.you were a great colleague.you were so many greats.but please continue being a great friend.i wouldnt want to lose a friend.i really dont.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free.





surprises.

a new day is filled with them.no matter how the elements of being human causes you to deter,spin out of control or just merely make you trip,you never know what the breaking of dawn might bring.and i look forward to each one.cause i love surprises.especially when it reassures.

the heat is making me dark and it caused my tiny nose to bleed.whoa.i havent had that in ages and then suddenly,BLOOD OUT OF NOSE.hahaha.it wasnt trickling down so i thought i injured the insides of my nose when i looked in the mirror.but no.i blew my nose and there it was.the splatter of A Positives on the tissue.gee.heh.

nothing interestingly amusing came up these few days.not that i can remember.haha.but i know the brother has lost his mind.and i hate telling him i told you so.heh.my friends are graduating soon but they have MAJOR papers to sit for first.so nadd and lyla,i wish you people all the best and do them right.kick their butts and write til your hand drops and your brain melts out of your ears.hahahaha.AND NADD,I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOU GIVING UP ON YOUR PAPERS.i know you're relying on your assignments and projects but you know,just in case.heh.lyla,you better eat right,sleep well and dont stress yourself so damn much.i know the papers you're sitting for will be responsible for university admissions but dont push yourself too far off.steady uh babyyy.heh.

so that's that.my tp date is inches away and i am not ready.zomg.and this is a nice corny love song.but i loikee.heh.

Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you

I Love You.

i'll fix yours just like you fixed mine;





one tip:

dont be an idiot and break your own heart.cause sometimes,the amount of sorrys might be uncountable,but it never works.

so here's to one more.

im sorry.





my brain abhors numbers.

ive had more than i could ask for.my brain got burnt,revived itself then decided to melt into a pulp.ive had enough of calculations and fitting them nicely in columns that are beginning to bug me.this is the main reason why i did not opt for anything relating to accounts.but it seekretly found me in forms of proposals.and i surrender.no more.please.

okay.so it is pretty late and i should get my butt to sleep.but i decided that the last post already had it's last chapter over so i need to move on.you'll be remembered.you certainly will.all you've given me,everything we made,will be kept safe.

nadd!read laila's blog.she said all things right.i cant quite think straight now but i know you'll pull through.the finals are more important than petty squabbles.forget about it and concentrate.it's your poly life on the line and im sure you wouldnt want anyone to take that away.

laila!send my blessings to your awesome grandma okay!getting married all.feewit!hahaha.i know it's a little too early but still.no harm right.hahaha.your grandma is getting married to her boyfie.hahaha.that is just so nice to say.it makes me smile.

:)))))))))

valentines is on saturday.i want to stay home and watch the sappy love stories bull that the telly is gonna show.bahahaha.no offence to those in love.but i hate overdone love stories.they blur the true meaning of love.zomg.i need sleep.im becoming sentimental.bahahahaha.but hey,dont you just love,being in love?heh.

my eyes are locked unto yours;





someone slap me and tell me it didnt happen.

we just chatted that day.and now im stoning,shaking my head.im in such denial.i feel no pain cause i still cant believe it happened.it just feels that im going to bump into you again and hear you scream my name and come running to hug me.you always did that.no matter where we were,crowded place or not,you let the whole world know who i was.we shared our primary school days together and we had alot going on after that.but you kept us together.you made sure we met.i cant believe you're gone.i really really cannot come to terms with that.not yet.you were the most loudest,happiest,carefree girl ive known.i hate asking why cause i know im not in a position to.and i hate not knowing what actually happened.the stories i hear seem so untrue.and one seemed so not you.i dont believe you would let your life go like that.it's your final year in school and you hung on for so long.you've been working so hard and i know it hasnt been easy but you pulled through.tsk.i dont know.

i'll pray for you and your family.your parents are distraught.you were their only child.but i'll pray they'll be alright.you're going back to where you came from.and i need to put that on repeat.and i never thought i'll ever write this post for a friend.never.

i love you.

yasmeen.





i understood the whole chunk.

first and last.every word,every line.i knew what you were talking about.neither of us wanted it to head this way;such a standstill.i dont know what to call us anymore.but in 5 days,it is your big day.and i wish you all the happiness the world can offer.all the bleessings,which im sure that Catholic lady could not come to par with.you're going to turn out great.you will.you've taught me alot.and i thank you.you know the number to dial if ever you need me :))

i am glad nadiiaaah has found her new love;pet society.haha.she has certainly become obsessed with that just as much as she was with neopets.haha.just as much as i was too.heh.now you go and play your silly butt off and try not to think too much.you do know i love you.

i want chocolates.i didnt have enough yesterday.i wanted to steal them all but i was nice cause they belonged to a 10 year old.and i didnt want to be some grinch.haha.i havent caught a movie in a long time.and they're all showing love-related shows cause boyy oh boyy valentine's is in 2 weeks.haha.naddiahh sure wouldnt want to be my date.she dislikes sappy love stories.but catching the leap years with those 2 was a blast.haha.it's still vivid.haha.

i actually bathed today.i am so proud of myself and YOU should too.hahaha.i didnt go out,stayed at home like a good kid and bathed.i usually dont.but i felt smelly.hahaha.damn.i need to go study.the dreaded is on friday.so please remind me to breathe.hahaha.

i'll take you to see the 7 wonders;