i am a 2 year old addict.
i take pictures with my eyes.
my beating muscle is co-owned.
and if found,do call.

i broke your heart.

and i never came around to fixing.

i apologize.





5.






murphy's law.

anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

three cheers for wrongs.

three cheers for us.

i dont know what you want.

but i'm hanging on to my promise.

goodnight;





started.

before dawn waking hours,constant checking of time,the rush,that another 5 minutes of sleep and the prayers.hee.dont get lazy during the holy month.later cut points.it's true.heh.i think.i always thought it was a trick from mums to make sure kids dont cause trouble.and my mum,is the number one trickster.really.in my 20 years,half of the time,she convinces me that 8 in the morning is the new 11.so i'll jump up from bed thinking ive been sleeping like a pig.but noooo,i havent even got the average sleep hours.tsk.but no matter what,she's still the best.

i am adjusting to the upcoming weeks.i already feel lethargic and restless and tired and sleepy and bloated;all in one go.and of course,it sure isnt a good feeling.but either way,i should be thankful.my appetite has gone down the drain,although i did have my fill tonight.i dont feel like eating in the morning later,but i must.it's a family thing.and i feel bad not waking up cause mum always cooks.so i shall eat.

we wont be meeting much,i know.we wont be having our normal dates,i know.we wont be doing alot together these few weeks and when it comes to raya,you'll be ultimately busy,i know.we started the month on a quivering foot,i know.but we've fixed it.and i hope to go through this month and the next without any bumps or hits cause it will be hard to plaster.and i hope our forever stays the same.i love you.

so people,do fast.okay?hehe.

evacuate.





7th January 2006.

i re-read that post.

and it hit me.

i miss you.

grandma,i miss you.

everything that you gave,everything that you did.

you're not coming back,

but my inner child is screaming your name.

tell me,how do i coax her and stop her from crying?





you brought me to the garden of eden.

dont leave me stranded.





time.

i am so pressed for it.i should take a seat back and breathe.ive got so much to juggle im afraid i'll make another mistake.and ive been one to be blind.and blind jugglers rarely happen.well,im hanging on tight for next week.the write up for attica and the f&b assignment will be due on thursday.and so will my presentation.the slides are done though.but the first 2 needs some brain work.not that it's a chore,they are rather interesting topics,really.i just need to manage my time.like seriously.heh.

tomorrow is work.and so will be monday and tuesday and saturday.i know,im turning myself to a workaholic.and abyt is at the receiving end.bear with me,yes?i need that little more kachingings.heh.im looking forward to next sunday though.yes,it's a longshot but hey,it's a motivation.heh.and if it doesnt happen,baby,dont worry about it.we'll make it up.i know we will ((:

i crashed abyt's lecture today.and it was as boring as she previously described it.tsktsk.and i will be crashing in again tomorrow.which means i need to sleep now.abyt is fetching me at 8am.and no,i wouldnt want to be late.we both know what happened the last time i was late.mann,i need to do something about me and my time.okay,other than try to manage it.i need to like i dont know,put it to my advantage or something.which bottomline,means the same thing.tsk.haha.

nadd.i wish i could give you answers.i wish i could give you the right words.but i cant.cause i dont know the truth.and i wouldnt want to make anything up nor give you any false hope.i can,though,give you my point of view and my will to try to understand.i know you've been searching,real hard but to no avail.but im telling you now,even if you cant find answers,you'll always be able to find me.always.i might not have what you want to hear,but i'll hear you out,anytime.AND EAT YOUR MEALS&MEDS AHHH!heh.

mairahh.im being nice and not tell people your true identity.hehe.anyway,i know i can never really put myself in your shoes and completely comprehend your current situation.all i know is that,it's hard.it's hard to live by each minute pondering,worrying,sighing,thinking and at the end of it all burst out crying.i know that trying to make people,no,at least someone understand you is one heck of a job.i know you're trying so so hard and you are that close to giving up.but please dont.The Almighty listens,you know.you just need to wait for it.just wait.

abyt.the basis of you and me took 6 years.it wasnt as much of a relationship,but we stood on a pretty firm ground.we just took what we had to another level.i dont have any proof i can take out from my pocket cause it's all in the past chapters of my life.if i could Xerox a copy,i'll pass them to you.heh.but in the meantime,i have myself as living proof.when i tell you i love you,it's not that i have nothing better to say.it's just that ive kept those words for so long,too long,that i dont think shutting it any longer will help.our exchange of words last night was all i needed,love.and i'll keep them safe.oh and about my kinks,i'll work them out.i know my bad habits kill you,but time and again you've resuscitated;with or without help.and i should be thankful.i'll fix it.i'll fix myself ((:

okay.sleep.

afterall,you're the ultimate suprise.