private getaway.

2010-10-02T20:46:00.003+08:00

kids,

have always been special.

nur azera.

KAMBYTTTT.SHE STEAL MY NECKLACE THINGAMAJIGGA.YOU SEE NOT?!

2010-08-25T13:12:00.002+08:00

yesterday,

was black and white.i dont have control on what happened because it already did.

tomorrow,

has its own shade.i dont know how things are going to turn out.

today.

i am the artist.i will combine the colours to show you,

mess.

2010-08-13T23:15:00.005+08:00

Hard Rock Hotel,

From the Business Centre,

to my puff breaks,

to my checking rooms,

to my last day,

and to finally,my stinky shoes,

it was a love-hate relationship.

but it was worthwhile.

now,i shall be faithful to my

b e d.

2010-06-15T00:01:00.001+08:00

you left on a jetplane,my love,and you are so far away.

you took my heart with you,my love,but my body is here to stay.

i miss you,my love,til my words cannot explain.

but last night,i dreamt a dream,my love,

that today our souls meet halfway.

2010-05-29T13:25:00.001+08:00

if you tell me your opinion

and you dont want me to speak my mind,

then i am not human.

2010-05-20T21:43:00.002+08:00

i dont usually wear shoes.

so here are my slippers.

walk a day in them.

then you realise the things that is abundant in your life,might not be as much in mine.but i love my life as much as the next homosapien loves its own.and i might not be all HAHAHEEHEE SUGAR RUSHED all the time.but i try to make the best out of my time.i try to shove all the 'i'll always be my brother's present before my parents' daughter' thoughts aside,i try to love my parents and brother as much as my heart can accomodate,i try to think that 'oh you know what,they love me.it's just my the devil playing around with my thoughts'.

because yes,they love me.mum went through that painful thing called giving birth and dad held my hand through all those falling off bicycle moments.they brought me up and they gave me the best life.but re-shifting my thoughts need a little helping hand.

so that's my life.

look at yours.

and never look at it as half empty.

because you never know.

2010-05-18T16:25:00.002+08:00

front row,3rd from left.

she made my years in primary 5 & 6 living hell.

but after that,she hugged me.

SO WAS THAT AN APOLOGY!?

i despised her.

RAR!

but im nice now,so say hello to Ms (i dont know if she became a Mrs already but anyway,) Tan Poh Swee.thanks for the 2 years.i'll never forget them.

seriously.

2010-05-18T10:06:00.003+08:00

discard.

i havent read FML in a really long time.so today i decided to get some entertainment from it.

today,i caught my boyfriend licking the blood off one of my tampons.FML.

i cannot,cannot get that scene out of my head.

2010-05-05T15:29:00.002+08:00

11th.

i knew i had somebody in my life whose birthday is in may.

and so i realised that you couldve been celebrating your 21st next tuesday.

who knew your last teen celebration would be your last birthday.

you know,i miss you.

sigh.

i miss granmmmaaaaa.and no,she wouldnt be turning 21 next tuesday.

i am sarcastic even to myself.

tsk.

2010-05-05T09:11:00.002+08:00

1. i have a colleague.

her name is JESINTA.

i dont know if it's me or the malay person in me

but i kept calling her JESNITA and i bloody sang that Exists song.

kauuu jesnitaaa setinggi gunung khayalannnn no wait,isnt it harapan?no?hmmm.
bukalah pintu hatimuuuu untuk cintaaa iniiiii.

okay.

2. i was looking through the career list for marina bay sands.

i dont know if it's me or the lack of sleep

but i saw Audit Operations as Adult Operations.

which sounds ratherrrr

wrong.

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!THE SKY SAYS HELLO!

2010-05-05T09:00:00.005+08:00

BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY

JUNE SECOND JUNE SECOND JUNE SECOND

28 DAYS 28 DAYS 28 DAYS

GET MY LIFE BACK LIFE BACK LIFE BACK

AUGUST EIGHTH AUGUST EIGHTH AUGUST EIGHTH

2 MONTHS 2 MONTHS 2 MONTHS (dont be a wet blanket.)

but before that,im going to have a soon-to-be sister in law.

and before that,i need to get myself measured for the clothes to wear on the engagement day.

and before that,

I AM CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY.

HAHAHAHAHA.

OI,IM EXCITED.

BE EXCITED FOR ME AND LAUGH AT THIS POST.

DID YOU LAUGH?!

IF NOT,im sure i made you smile like,

NOW!

((:

2010-05-02T14:09:00.006+08:00

googled.

i was sitting and then i thought to myself,how far can one go with a name like Dolmat.

and so google showed me.

although his name is not Dolmat Dolmat,his name is Hatta Dolmat.and he is a fashion designer.

not a bad one at that.and his boutique,Hatta Dolmat Couture,will be opening soon at Pusat Komersial Seksyen 7 Shah Alam.

it just spoils the name of the boutique.no singaporean would put that up.that's why we have people by the name of Ashley Isham.

we are kewlxz.

2010-05-01T11:42:00.004+08:00

f-ucking-b.

i think the genius who made this webpage is,well,a genius.this is second entertainment besides tv.and as we all know,tv sometimes just gets boring.and now,with all the 100s til 800s channel zones,im just as confused as the next person.and please dont tell me to refer to the channel guide,my ego is big like that.

yes,say hello to it.

so i was browsing through facebook and i realised all the kewlsxxz names people have.it seems like if they could have named themselves,the one they posted up would be it.so i want to change my name.

i want to be called LAA HAHAHEE JIGGYJIG.but you can call me 'AHA',that's my middle name.

please dont deny that it IS sexy.and please dont deny that everyone should THANK GOD,my parents gave me my name.like a proper name.if not,i would choose the abovementioned to be in my IC and i shall give evey bankteller,traffic policeman,telcom personnel and whoever who has a good enough reason to have my IC,a good laugh.

HAHA.

2010-05-01T10:03:00.003+08:00

dear friend,

you know what,sometimes i wish i could just talk to you.have not just a decent conversation,but a serious,meaningful one.it should be filled with raw,true emotions that we never get to express when we're leading our daily lives.i live everyday with my mask on,smiling full speed ahead.but you dont know me,or rather,you know me but you've given up asking because i dont respond.and you live everyday hanging on an invisible belief that maybe,just maybe,things will go your way.even if it was just for that second,for that minute or even for that blink of an eye.

dear friend,

your mind has so much cluster going on,you're overwhelmed.and life is nothing but a big struggle.but struggle is a part of life.just like love.we fall back in to love as many times as we fall back in to struggles because when our heart gets broken,well,i dont think i have to explain that.but i seriously hope one fine day,one nice,imperfect man to the naked eye,fixes you.because imperfect men are hardly taken and they are the underdogs who never manages to reach the top.but their hearts are so sincere,their willingness to please is so outstanding that you dont need to bother thinking about when is he going to cheat.because being at the top,my friend,they wouldnt want to lose you.

dear lover,

i have been out of sorts lately and you have been taking one bitter swallow after another.but i do hope i gave your eyes some time off and your heart some healing.i dont know what kind deed i did to actually have someone like you to stay by me through all my moments but im seriously,from the bottom of my heart,glad that i found you.we've cut down on the time we take to overcome our spats and eventhough we cant help argueing cause we love it sooo much,at least we dont go silent for weeks.that can kill and if we would actually continue that,i think one of us would give up.like for real throw in the towel and walk off.and i know keeping up with me and my antics is tiring but you know i love you.and i always will.

because my dearest,you make me = 1.

2010-04-30T13:02:00.007+08:00

tainted.

people do alot to get over pain.they go all out to do whatever they think is right or whatever they feel will overcome their hurt.with all the insanity going on out there,we cant blame them if they decide the next best step is to fall over and give up.

really.

i dont even know you.i havent seen you in my years of living.but i got reminded of someone.someone so close.

tsk.

2010-04-30T11:31:00.002+08:00

twenty first.

it is in a month.

I DONT CARE.i said a month.

heh.

and i want our plans to go fine eh.

HELLO!?THIS IS TO THE RESPECTIVE PARTIES.I WANT OUR PLANS TO GO FINE.thanks.

eh by the way,did i tell you i miss you people?

BASKET.STOP SCHOOLING AND MEET ME.I NEVER LUPE DUNIE.

heh.

2010-04-26T11:04:00.006+08:00

star awards was at Hard Rock's Convention Centre.and taking their pictures is no joke,one heck of a job.but look at this beauty in blue,

she's a man.

2010-04-24T13:53:00.000+08:00

after sunday,i want to party.

SHALL WE LADIES?

please?

2010-04-23T10:18:00.005+08:00

he sang;i felt.

people say im the life of the party

cause i tell a joke or two

although i might be laughing loud and hearty

deep inside im blue

so take a good look at my face

you'll see my smile looks out of place

if you look closer, it's easy to trace

the tracks of my tears.

2010-04-23T09:44:00.002+08:00

i want to go home.

please take me home.

or i will drop to my knees and punch you where it hurts.

HAHA.

i am my entertainment.

oh i bet you thought i was soft and sweet.

peter chao (thanks nadd) said FUCK YOU MUDAFUCKERS.

hahahahaha.

okay.are you going to wake up soon?

2010-04-23T06:25:00.001+08:00

oh,lets contradict.

happy 55th dad.

2010-04-23T06:23:00.001+08:00

i am not happy.

and to know that i havent been happy is sad.

so im sad.

because i wont be happy until this ends.

i want this to be over.

no,not soon.

now.

2010-04-18T03:05:00.000+08:00

april 11th.

12.30am.

your post was a lie.

2010-04-18T02:11:00.001+08:00

*shakes head*

2010-04-18T01:28:00.001+08:00

pressed.

when i have time,we come to this conclusion.

when i dont have time,we argue.

when will we ever come to terms.

ever.

2010-04-12T10:01:00.003+08:00

nurhumairah binte shaik dawood.

i read all your posts in your tumblr(i know i know,i am at work and blablabla but that is not the point)and it made me sad.

ARE YOU SAD?!

tsk.

why are you sad?

now im sad.

:(

I THINK MY MONTHLY VISITS IS THE CAUSE OF THIS CHAOS.

2010-04-12T09:32:00.004+08:00

becoming wise comes with age.

why do people tell you the best years of your life is over when they're not God?

how come now,that you're an adult,you cant have as much fun as you had as a kid?

does responsibilities hold one down that much?

or are we just using that as an excuse?

then why when we're happy,we dont use excuses?

is it because we have overlooked our responsibilites or just pushed it aside to have that moment of happiness?

is that what we call the pursuit of happiness?

because if so,that's the best run i've ever had.

2010-04-11T09:28:00.010+08:00

my heart tickled.

i know being with me isnt easy.you've seen my actions and you've heard my words.but they werent for you.and now since we're together,you're afraid i would use all my moves on other people.

but that's where you're wrong.other people dont deserve my words,they dont deserve my actions,they dont deserve my effort and time.and if i use up all of those on other people,what would i have left for you?im not willing to be empty.when im with you,i know im full of life.i might sometimes be full of shit uhh ehh but it happens uhh ehhh.heh.

i broke your trust once.and it was enough.really.it was.

'promise that you're not gonna be all flirty with them with your sweet words or whatsoever,either way ehh;promise that you're not gonna be touchy2 with them or either way la ehh cause i know you and them very touchy and i HATE it,i hope you know what i mean;promise that you'll love me forever.'

I PROMISE.set?

you're one silly idiot and i love you.

im sure you know,

i have good hands ;))

2010-04-09T12:25:00.002+08:00

i know nobody will take my side.

but i think it's unfair.

it's unfair how all my other actions are not taken in consideration.

it's unfair how that 1 terrible mistake i did has outshone all the times i have tried to piece you back.

it's unfair that all our arguements are because of how i am as a person.

it's unfair that i cannot do anything that is worth your time because you'll never trust me again.

i dont know how to overcome this.but i hope that my 1 mistake will not be the one that makes us break.

because that ended.

365 days ago.

2010-04-05T10:31:00.002+08:00

one fine day,

when i turn into a short-fused,ill-mannered,fist-fighting,vulgar-spewing homosapien,

will you people then pay attention?

2010-04-04T12:06:00.001+08:00

12.07pm.

i dont know what in the world im doing here.

Save.My.Soul.

2010-04-04T09:41:00.002+08:00

memories.

they belong in the past but they're still brought to the present.

we might think they're the best we can ever get but that's the problem.

we can always do better.

we just need to let go.

you might not be happy,but i am elated that i could call you mine.

i might have given you the best days of your life before but i cant promise i can do the same now.

cause i dont seem like im doing it.

2010-04-01T12:18:00.001+08:00

I FUCKING GIVE UP.

2010-02-19T21:23:00.003+08:00

2 minutes.

if you could,

please tell me where is the good in goodbye,

and how do i start to believe when the word lie fits right in.

2010-02-19T00:54:00.002+08:00

down on all fours.

hearts were never meant to race.

so where do we go from here?

for the next 23 weeks,here is my hopelist,

I HOPE:

1.we'll be fine
2.you'll be fine
3.work will go just well,fine and dandy
4.you learn to love yourself,please please please

dont make it the reason.

until there is no wind.

2010-01-27T00:05:00.002+08:00

one more before bed.

in times like this,the passwords are an advantage.

the past entries reminded me of you.the happy you.very happy you.

what have i done.

i crashed your sweetest dreams and beautiful nightmares.

i am so sorry.

hope grandma's getting better though :)

2010-01-26T23:50:00.002+08:00

AND(im getting used to this AND posts),

I FORGOT TO CONGRATULATE MYSELF ON LEGALITY.

;))

thank you kmab.

and to everyone else too.

WOOOOHOOOO!

2010-01-26T23:47:00.003+08:00

grab a hold of yourself.

you know,i found out how hard it is to compromise.

being anxious could lead to an arguement.oversleeping could lead to an arguement.even setting the date could lead to an arguement.

SHEESH.AHHH.

hrr.

i need that one of these days.or even i would get into an arguement.with myself.

now that,is everlasting.

2010-01-22T12:18:00.002+08:00

AND.

tomorrow,my parents will be going to my brother's in-laws' place.

engagements and marriages.

norm of society.

aint really counting down the days to mine.

2010-01-22T11:56:00.002+08:00

well,

lets bypass the entry for nur humairah.

today is a long day.

ive got to go to the bank.ive got school.ive got the possible chance of practical and i shall be visiting nani's place.the last one would be a perk because i might get what i asked.and if i dont,im sure there are more to overcome that loss.

shameless-ness sometimes works.

now tell me,what kind of eyes do crime scene investigators have?

clearly,see through.

2010-01-13T01:40:00.002+08:00

34.

this is for you,nurhumairah.

and no,i know you are not 34.that is the number of days since my last entry.this is in case you decide to pick a fight with me.im sure your cousin will be on your side.so,im just saving my balls.and yes,i dont have them,literally.but WE ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

mann,i tire myself out.

ASS-SIGH-MENTS.

2009-12-06T13:17:00.002+08:00

when you thought things were rough for you.

Today, I was ecstatic when I got my so-much-waited marriage proposal! I couldnt wait to show off my new ring. Today was also when I found out that he had proposed to his ex a few days behind and she had declined. And yes, it was the same ring.

i hate being a sadist but fmylife kinda makes it a little easier to breathe.

2009-11-25T12:34:00.001+08:00

who said ecstasy kills?

ee yuu pee heyh oh arr aii eyy*

2009-11-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

say a prayer to yourself.

close your eyes,sometimes it helps.

my condolences.

2009-11-05T20:39:00.002+08:00

my list of wants.

i wanted a date with you next wednesday since the word sunday,shouldnt even be brought up.

i wanted us to ride the Flyer because apart from the candle-lit dinner in a cable-car,it's the next best thing.

i wanted to at least make this moment the smoothest of all slip-ups i caused.

but they're all just wants arent they?they arent going to happen are they?because today i made another mistake didnt i?i did.no matter what i felt,i know i was wrong by any standards.

so friends,please dont bother about us.really.it just keeps coming and hiding.no point in even thinking about it.i'll just take my leave.

goodnight.

2009-10-04T12:53:00.002+08:00

threshold of pain.

for the first time in all my years of eating porridge,i needed to wipe my sweat and mucus.i know that was disgusting.but OH MY GOD.the chilli was hot hot HOT.i wanted to get sweet sweet soy sauce to ease the pain but i was eating in geylang.and i was afraid the makciks and pakciks would think i am sucha loser.haha.i know.like image is everything.

HAHA.

anyway,rilla pierced her ears.it was so fast,it felt like she went to the supermarket bought cereals and left.haha.that was random but it just popped in mind.haha.rilla's STARSTUDDERS say rilla look like mat.so rilla sat in THAT corner and cried.

HAHA.

the map i have of singapore is so bad i didnt know that abyt will be around the area of my kallang house.haha.okay i made that sound like i own it.well i once called it home.haha.you know,come to think of it,she said geylang lorong 12.i think i know where that is.my previous place was like opposite the red light district which was lorong 18,right?heh.and i didnt really understand what that place was when i was a kid.balls,i grew up in the ghetto,yo.

HAHA.

F1 is in tokyo now.ah munna go watch.vvvvvVVVVVVROOOOMMMMM.

HAHA.

because i was told it was the best medicine.

2009-10-03T05:48:00.003+08:00

1. i am using the Paint application because when i was a kid,it made me happy.

2. my brother has sleep-talked twice.he first said,'photocopy.mmm' and just recently he spoke like a robot and said 'ehh tototo tetete'.which didnt make sense no matter how i tried.

3. my tumtum has been grumbling and rumbling so that means i am HUNGRYYYYY.

4. i am trying to get into abyt's dream world.

5. if my parents know i've been on the net this long,i might lose my head.

6. i watched tv,ate,slept,bathed,watched tv,ate.when i couldve used that time to study.

7. FeetRose Hisham told me that loyang has a starbucks now.he better be right.

8. my tp date is on the 15th and ive yet to go for lessons.

9. i wrote my name in 3 different colours.

10. we nearly broke.

that close.

2009-09-26T03:09:00.003+08:00

in 5 hours,ive to be up for work.

in 7 hours,i'll be at work.

in 12 hours,i would've ended work.

in between all those hours and ones that are coming thereafter,i wont get one slight glance of you.

my friday was with nad.it was a good movie with good company.but i cant expect that every friday.and i dont want to take anything for granted.

and you are planning to go.

catch that chance.

kerana kau memperolehi setiap nafasku.

2009-09-25T17:55:00.005+08:00

when you look back.

sometimes you feel lucky that you didnt make that decision cause now,you see a clearer picture.you feel relief that you didnt follow a specific crowd cause you might've been dead.or in a lighter view,hospitalised.you get that inner self telling you,arent you just glad you're here now?but then amidst all of those you could pat yourself on the back for,there are more that you wished you had done.

life itself doesnt allow us to rewind but all of us would want a quick one.to that moment where we couldve done better,been better,avoid complications that might affect our tomorrow,our future.but then again,we all learn from our mistakes.no matter how long it might take.a slight change in history can mean a 180degree turn in the future.so we all never know,do we?how it all falls into place,how it all fits and inevitably,end.

whoa.that was random.

anyway,im hungry,lapar,not bathed,belum mandi,smelly,busuk.but im going to meet nadd cause i am bored,takde pape nak buat.haha.i hope i'll be able to sleep after phobia 2.crap,what did i get myself into.heh.

tonight,light your candles and be my dreamscape.

2009-09-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

zippped,zipping.

1 month of fasting.

1 month worth of food i had.

1 month of raya-ing(well thereabout).

and i havent typed my forgive me post.so here goes,

i apologize for all the mishaps,misunderstandings,miscommunications.for all the words that hurt,for all the actions that define stupidity and all the times i was late.heh.i apologize if i havent been able to fill any voids and took anyone for graned.from the bottom of my heart,the depths of my soul,i am sorry.

selamat hari raya,people.

AND SO WE or like I SHALL GO OUT TO HUNT FOR SOME MORE FOOD.

til the next ketupat&rendang story.

i miss nenek.

ehh i actually dont really fancy rendang.so fyi,kiv ehh.just in case i decide to drop by.hehe.

thatredswift;

2009-08-28T20:13:00.000+08:00

i broke your heart.

and i never came around to fixing.

i apologize.

2009-08-27T12:40:00.008+08:00

let's meet them.

(L-R): Tequila, Gin, Vodka

Cont'd: Rum, Whiskeyyy/Whiskyyy

Liqeurs: Kahlua, Bailey's, Bols and Frankenstein(okay i made this up,i forgot its name ((: )

THIS IS FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING NADD JEALOUS.HEHE.

and i didnt get to try.even one.i got to smell and get surprised by some of their strength.i think there's a headache coming along pretty soon on top of my already splitting skull.but it's all good.Bols smells like koko krunch and Frankenstein has the heavenly scent of hazelnuts.WHEEWHOOO.there was a frozen magarita that i was SO SO SO VERY tempted to sip but nooooo,holy month.haha.either way,i still cant right.

flails.

so well lets make today a good day.the weather's on my side.it's A*OKAY which is A*WESOME.i didnt bring the sweater though but i can handle this.im waiting to plonk on my *crosses fingers* cold,comfortable bed.heh.yes,i still prefer cold beds,thankyouverymuch.but i have patrick's class to attend.i hope the weather stays this way.it reminds me to breathe.which i badly need to remember.

i actually am not excited to head to the bazaar this year.i dont have the drive to.yes,i talk about it and all but the feel isnt there.maybe it's the weather or maybe it's me realizing im getting old for these kinda shenanigans.but i do hope i find my clothes soon.i take ages to figure out what i want and i dont have much time.haha.

graaahhhh.

i want to laugh.

please laugh.

sigh.

i want you to trust me.i want you to let go of my past.let it go,baby,please.because kartina and i are OVER.i want you to consider how i feel.i want you to make me let go of this silence im dragging.i want you to know i love you.baby,i love you.i need you to know that.but most importantly,i need you to believe in that.i need you to believe me.me,baby,me.i dont want you to try.i need you to do it.i need you to.sometimes,i dont get it.why do we repeat this when we know it hurts so so bad?i know you need me to understand you too.would you help me with that?cause at times,i dont have a clue and at that point,im vulnerable.then im lost.and i apologize.but we're tired of that,no?we are.i know for a fact we are.but you need to help me and i'll help you.im not a hard person to understand.really.i might complicate matter and have alot of mismatched thoughts that you dont understand,but i straighten them out at the end.i hope i do.so baby,lets give this one shot.our sleepless night are a chore.our brains are not making sense.our body and soul are slowly fading.i dont want to bother nad,neesha and mairah.yes,ladies,i know you dont mind.i know hearing us out is the best thing you could do and pass us your views and all those kind kind words.i appreciate it.with all my heart,i thank you.i do.but i know you have your own issues and i really dont want to be a bother.baby,lets not bother them.lets be there for them instead.and lets do that together.yes?

rain isnt the only thing that's falling.

give me 3 wishes.

2009-08-24T03:14:00.000+08:00

murphy's law.

anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

three cheers for wrongs.

three cheers for us.

i dont know what you want.

but i'm hanging on to my promise.

goodnight;

2009-08-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

started.

before dawn waking hours,constant checking of time,the rush,that another 5 minutes of sleep and the prayers.hee.dont get lazy during the holy month.later cut points.it's true.heh.i think.i always thought it was a trick from mums to make sure kids dont cause trouble.and my mum,is the number one trickster.really.in my 20 years,half of the time,she convinces me that 8 in the morning is the new 11.so i'll jump up from bed thinking ive been sleeping like a pig.but noooo,i havent even got the average sleep hours.tsk.but no matter what,she's still the best.

i am adjusting to the upcoming weeks.i already feel lethargic and restless and tired and sleepy and bloated;all in one go.and of course,it sure isnt a good feeling.but either way,i should be thankful.my appetite has gone down the drain,although i did have my fill tonight.i dont feel like eating in the morning later,but i must.it's a family thing.and i feel bad not waking up cause mum always cooks.so i shall eat.

we wont be meeting much,i know.we wont be having our normal dates,i know.we wont be doing alot together these few weeks and when it comes to raya,you'll be ultimately busy,i know.we started the month on a quivering foot,i know.but we've fixed it.and i hope to go through this month and the next without any bumps or hits cause it will be hard to plaster.and i hope our forever stays the same.i love you.

so people,do fast.okay?hehe.

evacuate.

2009-08-09T10:24:00.001+08:00

7th January 2006.

i re-read that post.

and it hit me.

i miss you.

grandma,i miss you.

everything that you gave,everything that you did.

you're not coming back,

but my inner child is screaming your name.

tell me,how do i coax her and stop her from crying?

2009-08-05T19:17:00.000+08:00

you brought me to the garden of eden.

dont leave me stranded.

2009-08-02T03:01:00.002+08:00

time.

i am so pressed for it.i should take a seat back and breathe.ive got so much to juggle im afraid i'll make another mistake.and ive been one to be blind.and blind jugglers rarely happen.well,im hanging on tight for next week.the write up for attica and the f&b assignment will be due on thursday.and so will my presentation.the slides are done though.but the first 2 needs some brain work.not that it's a chore,they are rather interesting topics,really.i just need to manage my time.like seriously.heh.

tomorrow is work.and so will be monday and tuesday and saturday.i know,im turning myself to a workaholic.and abyt is at the receiving end.bear with me,yes?i need that little more kachingings.heh.im looking forward to next sunday though.yes,it's a longshot but hey,it's a motivation.heh.and if it doesnt happen,baby,dont worry about it.we'll make it up.i know we will ((:

i crashed abyt's lecture today.and it was as boring as she previously described it.tsktsk.and i will be crashing in again tomorrow.which means i need to sleep now.abyt is fetching me at 8am.and no,i wouldnt want to be late.we both know what happened the last time i was late.mann,i need to do something about me and my time.okay,other than try to manage it.i need to like i dont know,put it to my advantage or something.which bottomline,means the same thing.tsk.haha.

nadd.i wish i could give you answers.i wish i could give you the right words.but i cant.cause i dont know the truth.and i wouldnt want to make anything up nor give you any false hope.i can,though,give you my point of view and my will to try to understand.i know you've been searching,real hard but to no avail.but im telling you now,even if you cant find answers,you'll always be able to find me.always.i might not have what you want to hear,but i'll hear you out,anytime.AND EAT YOUR MEALS&MEDS AHHH!heh.

mairahh.im being nice and not tell people your true identity.hehe.anyway,i know i can never really put myself in your shoes and completely comprehend your current situation.all i know is that,it's hard.it's hard to live by each minute pondering,worrying,sighing,thinking and at the end of it all burst out crying.i know that trying to make people,no,at least someone understand you is one heck of a job.i know you're trying so so hard and you are that close to giving up.but please dont.The Almighty listens,you know.you just need to wait for it.just wait.

abyt.the basis of you and me took 6 years.it wasnt as much of a relationship,but we stood on a pretty firm ground.we just took what we had to another level.i dont have any proof i can take out from my pocket cause it's all in the past chapters of my life.if i could Xerox a copy,i'll pass them to you.heh.but in the meantime,i have myself as living proof.when i tell you i love you,it's not that i have nothing better to say.it's just that ive kept those words for so long,too long,that i dont think shutting it any longer will help.our exchange of words last night was all i needed,love.and i'll keep them safe.oh and about my kinks,i'll work them out.i know my bad habits kill you,but time and again you've resuscitated;with or without help.and i should be thankful.i'll fix it.i'll fix myself ((:

okay.sleep.

afterall,you're the ultimate suprise.

2009-07-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

in the stillness of the night,

the silence was broken.

they trickled and they slid,but they never spoke.

maybe they should have.

2009-07-18T02:39:00.002+08:00

vocabulary.

mine is left with 4.

aby,i love you.

cause you took my everything,you stealer.and you made me whole.so dont worry,i wont press charges.hehe.

i love you,baby.i love you.

muah.

2009-07-06T09:39:00.004+08:00

because your flaws are a part of you.

and i love you.

every single bit.

dont talk about my past.they are over.i want you to be what you're supposed to be;the one i fell in love with.i dont care what you lack because i see what you're abundant in.i know i have some getting used to and baby,im trying.the fact that i can call you mine is the one reason of many that i am proud of.you have no idea how each breath is for you,each beat is calling you,each dream is trying to catch you.baby,i love you.i do.i really do.

and why all the negatives,love?okay.get past the not being good enough part.come on,baby.we'll screw our thoughts because we are good enough for each other.set?and i know i have alot to be thinking about.but i told you i need you.and in my trying times,i really do.so no,you are not a burden.you are more like a saviour.nobody wants to be alone and i am grateful i have you.

what's life without pain.i havent been much of an angel to you either.i caused alot of hurt and you silently took it.because i know i am an ass and i am still the oblivious idiot you fell for.but you never once judged me.your hard-headedness is something new,yes.but i know there's so much of new-me that you didnt know and dont fancy.we're equal,arent we not?we have our own downs and ups as individuals,no?baby,the important thing is our love,yes?you told me that.so why,why are we having this?i wouldnt want to waste your time,our time.i want to spend it like we used to.i miss the sunsets,i miss the car rides,i miss all those moments that i could look you in the eye and feel butterflies in my tumtum,i miss your hands in mine,i miss the non-ugly us.no petty squabbles,no mountain out of a molehill,no picking at each other.just you,me and the world.that's it,baby.

there isnt anything to forgive.anything at all.

enough said.

2009-07-05T02:21:00.003+08:00

recipe.

5 horrible hours of labour.

a stream of wrong words said to the significant other.

an inner self screaming telling me how stupid i am.

an incomplete meal because mac delivery is having one of it's screwed up days.

zero energy to even speak.

results in a bad day.a really bad day.

baby,in you,i have so much to be proud of.if you could see yourself with my eyes for one day,i neednt explain.for now,you are beyond words.and i am sorry.

i am a cliched idiot.

2009-07-01T00:43:00.002+08:00

the first sight.

my heart skipped,my soul beamed and i knew right then,my feet werent on the ground.

from that moment on,you've never once short-changed me.

aby,i love you.

bottomline.

2009-06-18T11:25:00.001+08:00

24 hours ago.

8 texts.

1 call.

all i needed.

2009-06-17T15:57:00.002+08:00

part of the list.

things that i miss.i come up with something new every single time.

i am so weak and feeble,i am hopeless.

do me a favour.

get on that flight,now.

i am so afraid you dont feel the same.but no thought shall damage me or us for that matter.

the smell of your skin lingers on me.

2009-06-16T00:23:00.006+08:00

in my head.

so many words.they overlap each other;fighting for the best laid out line.but i cant put them together.i have so much to say yet i cant.i miss you so much.i miss you alot.i miss you like crazy.

i miss you.

this average someone misses you.

not looking for a mutual feeling.just despising the ticking.

okay i shall stop being a lame loser.

and work today was fine.thank God.please let the rest be fine too.

pretty little missile that shot me out the sky.

2009-06-14T18:32:00.002+08:00

7 days II.

one word:
EMPTY.

one name:
ABY.

one date:
15th.

cause you're on a jetplane.

2009-06-10T11:26:00.005+08:00

7 days.

well last week was a blast.wasnt exactly all 7 days but it nearly amounted to that.heh.birthday surprise,birthday trip,pcd concert,birthday pit and i am full to the brim.okay lie.ive been eating still.heh.and mum is going to cook me my birthday lunch cause she's half-daying today.wheewhooo!

i actually do have my pit pictures but i lazy.haha.next time okay,next time.and i feel dumb for writing on the same cbox with 2 different names and 2 different messages but it's all me.hehe.

my life is running smoothly i dont even want to think,afraid that one thought will ruin everything.i just want it to stay this way and dont shift.i am hanging to the fact that i am happy.i am really happy.last week's smile is still plastered somewhere and i dont want it to ever fade.i nearly forgot what it feels to laugh.like really laugh,with my all my heart.i nearly lost the strength to smile with much sincerity and truth.but i did.i did.

holidays.hmm no thoughts,baby.dont want to.

others who broke my heart,they were like northern stars.

2009-06-03T13:23:00.017+08:00

im not even going to say much.

im sure you know,i spent my day at the zoo.

and this was my morning.unbathed,barely clothed and lyla+nadd came over to surprise me.

and these are my you-know-whats.

WHEEEEEEWHOOOOOOOO!!!!hahaha.oh and there were manymanymany other pictures that we took at the zoo.my hands just dont want to place them.haha.oh oh.i am still excited!!!!!hahaha.

thanks for everything people.thanks thanks thanks.thanks for making my day.like really making my day.i appreciate all that you've done.all everything.i thank you.

baby,i love you.for my every breath is yours.muah.

nad,mairah,neesha,me loves yousss alllss.hahaha.

2009-06-02T07:31:00.004+08:00

the big 2.

no i didnt miss a number.and yes,i am in denial.but either wayyy,i am THIS excited for today and the rest of the week,that i am up at this hour.or it might be the heat that made me uncomfortable therefore i woke up.but i think the former sounds better.

laaaadeeeeedaaaaaa.

thanks for all the wishes,for all the reminders that i am old,for the one and only call from the noisy lovely bunch(appreciated),for all the presents whose pictures i shall upload soon,for the surprises that i know and dont know of,for the smile that was plastered on my face when i slept and for the smile that is still here.

me love yous.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

2009-05-13T11:06:00.003+08:00

3 days late.

all that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.i love you.

2 days later.

it'll be the 15th.reservation's at 1pm,baby.and if you dont mind,may we put whatever happened behind us?i am dead tired.and im sure so are you.

take me back to the stars;

2009-05-09T09:11:00.004+08:00

this love aint gonna be perfect;i know sometimes it's going to rain.

we havent been all that great now,have we?we have passed through so much due to our own egos and terrible petty thoughts.never would we have guessed that both of us would go through these phases together;at each other.i used to make you smile,no matter what i did or said.now i cant seem to do it.i used to make you laugh,no matter what i did or said.now i cant seem to do it.i used to make you sleep without holding anything against anybody.now i cant seem to do it.whatever i used to do,i am not able to anymore.and that frustrates the hell out of me.

i want to be the last person on your mind before bed and the first one that pops out when you wake.i want to be the one who holds you and tell you everything is going to turn out alright.i want to be that one person who gets to stroke you to sleep when nightmares strike.i want to be only one who gets to taste your kisses,caress your body.i want to be the one you lock fingers with.i want to be your other half,not your better half,just someone who fits.cause i know i cant compare to you.i want to be so much not cause im being paranoid.i just dont want us to slip.i dont want to tighten my grip not knowing that you have let go.i dont want to do this alone.i dont want to convince myself alone.i want you.i need you.i said it so many times i sound desperate,but i do.

you and i both know ive let my guard down.i should have a firmer hold of my own feet but i stripped myself cause i knew ive kept quiet for too long and you deserve to know.and since you already do,i dont see a point in shutting you out.so this is me.and it's all yours.

open book.

2009-05-08T02:17:00.002+08:00

i am a disappointment.

nothing more.nothing less.

and that hurts,baby.

2009-05-03T22:49:00.002+08:00

tell me what the fuck is wrong.

please,just tell me.

i need to fucking know before i lose my senses.

2009-05-02T14:42:00.003+08:00

windows live messenger.

when i get bored i see what people's personal messages are.then i try to link them up.haha.it is kinda fun to do know.like when you have nothing else in your mind to binglebongle about.heh.so i linked

1.you belong with me with oh,so-not
2.i remember waiting with stupid
3.a little too much with independence and responsibility

the last one of course sounds perfectly fine.but the first two made me smile for abit.haha.my friends have the bestest personal messages.me likey.haha.and there was one i read but i didnt really want to ask about.im sure you people go through this,yes?ya.well just letting you know that comparison with someone else always pushes the right nerves for a pissed-off moment.but im always here to tell you that you are the greatest;brain beauty and all.and you should firmly believe that you are too.

the birds in my neighbourhood are have an all out meeting.they are by the window sills screeching thier voices out.determined to get their message across.i can hear them and this one in front of me has been screaming since the meeting started.i guess it has alot to say.maybe if i understood what it was,i could agree or disagree.but what do i know about birds.haha.oh and i dont see pigeons included.RACIST AH.hahaha.

the 74 year old is out with the boyf well not really but i dont know what to call them.hehehe.the HOT one has school.yea believe it or not.i dont know if the swings are here but when you want to,you know my number.im positively sure you do.im going out later for jyoti's birthday in which i have 5 hours to burn til then.so i should get a crystal ball that can tell me what to do.yes?

dad's sick.i hope he caught nothing serious.TSK.SHOO SICKBUG SHOO.

zomg.it is actually the MAY.please please let this be nice and smooth.please please.my butt is going to get sore if we go through more bumpy roads consecutively.will you rub my butt with sores-go-away oil?huh baby huh?hehe.either way,i love you.and if my butt is really going to get sore,i dont care.we are unstoppable babyyy.i'll figure out maths and econs for you too.haha.and we will rule the worlddd.haha.well okay not really.but we will travel the world.heh.and i'll never let you down.ever.

cause whenever it feels like slipping,we'll tighten our grip.

2009-04-27T18:23:00.003+08:00

inhale.

i dont know what came over me.i dont know if i want to actually find out.one day we are going to get tired of this but i dont us to get tired of each other.we might have just started but we go back years.that is not worth losing.at all.i'll get my act together and this thing we have to overcome shall be overcome.i love you too much.maybe that is a problem i overlooked.but i cant control this.not by myself.i need you.i hate relying on people.but i need you.

i might take out my eyes,but im far from blind.i might shut my ears,but im far from being deaf.i might turn my heart to ice,but im far from a tyrant.things i see and hear might not be to my liking.but i only have this once to live and im not going to make my life sad and miserable.cause when my arms hold you and my knees unbuckle,nothing else matters.

i really outdid myself this time.i feel constricted.i feel suffocated.all by me.these walls are tired of my emotions.im a complicated mess.but you do a good job in untangling.and for that,my love,i thank you.

love is spoken not by the tongue but by the heart.love is heard not by the ears but by the soul.

exhaled.

2009-04-24T11:56:00.014+08:00

happy 54th,father.i wish you all the health and strength in the world.

i love you.

from all the backdrops,they had to pick a door.hahahaha.okay sshh.

you never gave up;

2009-04-20T09:45:00.002+08:00

waking hours.

my brain and body decide to wake myself up at the most random-est of times.like now,i am awake before 10 and i have no school.when i do finally have school which is at 12,i wake up at 11 and it'll take like a bit more time for me to know i am late.i am disastrous.haha.

TALKING OF DISASTROUS.NADIAH AL-ANSARI,HOW IN THE WORLD DID I GET A CALL FROM LAILA(well,that is not the disastrous part),TELLING ME THAT YOUUUUUU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A BROKEN PINKIE!?!?!?HUH HUH HUH?!how the heck did you actually injure yourself in ubin?huh huh huh?your cycling license should be revoked.you caused damage to some bushes,i hear.tsktsktsk.we are going to visit you later.and please please do take care.aiyo.silly thing.heh.

i am not actually sure if it's going to rain but it sounds like it and is beginning to look like it.haha.well i hope it does.past few days feel like we were in a sauna.sheesh.heh.eyy i think i need to do something with my sleeping positions uhhh.my shoulder aches like mad.or am i just getting old?haha.no no.i stomp my feet and refuse to believe that.haha.

okay.time to bathe.haha.no really.i am going to bathe at this hour of the day when i just woke up.although i normally do not bathe til i catch some telly.but not this time.i have stuff planned out.and if i watch tv,the stuff doesnt usually happen.haha.okay done.

i dont need you to know the catalyst,just hold me;

2009-04-15T11:44:00.005+08:00

about a girl.

she didnt listen to me when i said the great world city shuttle does not come to pasir ris.but she took it and got lost.so she didnt go to the course she was supposed to and came home.she was appalled by the number of people queueing at uniqlo in tamp1 cause they just look silly waiting in line.she bothered to follow my directions to some eating place i wanted her to try.she actually made my day yesterday cause i was bored and i wanted something,anything to do.and now she wants me to set up a facebook account for her.hmmmm.well,say hi to my mum the next time she logs on.ROFLMAO.

hahaha.so anyway,i think my throat is beginning to itch again.tsk.me no likey.i feel sick.tsktsktsk.ive been hungry alot these few days.AM I GROWING?!haha.yea right.ive dreams of growing but at the tender age of 20,heh,i think my bones have said enough!i tired!but you can stiil feed tumtum.it gladly wants to grow.zomg.my bones want me to be fat.haha.and i am actually talking about them.i am going insane.i need a job.haha.

laila's post said this somewhere in the end.
alright . need to get my phone, it's ringing . hee .
hahahahahahahahahaha.whaaaaaat?she cracks me up.hahahaha.or maybe it's just me.but still.haha.EK EHHHH!I SMELL POPCORN!but i dont see any popcorn stand.it just rained though.RAIN NOW SMELLS OF POPCORN!?WHEEEWHOOO!heh.ive been high since last night and i have no idea what hit me.haha.

dad's birthday is coming up and i have yet to get him something.heh.

i think it would be cool or kewlxz if my life was in a remote control.i''d stay on my favourite channel all the time and when it gets to commercial,i'd change to something else.and and when there's horror or or like scary stuff,i'll turn it off.then i'll turn it on again.like when there's cartoons and comedy and like sappy love movies.and i am again blabbering.so i shall go and watch tv.if i see my life on tv, i'll be calling myself stupid for all the stupid things ive done.heh.now i wouldnt want that.haha.

4th.

2009-04-12T20:43:00.007+08:00

time.

LOOK AT WHAT TIME IT IS!!ZOMG.it is 4+ in the bloody morning balls although the timing is wayy off.haha.and i just finished my online assignment.graahh.i took naps inbetween studying,i had a splitting headache on one side,an irritated throat,a blocked nose and information to stuff in my head.that truly meant,i studied.hahaha.well i hope whatever i wrote is sufficient.no no actually i hope i pass.i do no want to have another of arthur soh's lecturers.and lo and behold he will be in charge of our internships.lets save us the trouble and let us do the pick.heh.

you.

i dont mind your sudden change of moods cause ive come to terms with it.handling it might not my forte but at least sensing it is a good thing.all of us gets those days and some of us get them more than we bargained for.but please just know that life is not all that bad.i know you were letting off steam and i know today or well yesterday was bleahhh.but i assure you,your life is not fucked up.really.and even so,i'm still here.so what's fucked up in yours will be in mine.but i see nothing to be brooding over.nothing to be thinking too much on.it's just one of them days.you''ll get over it.and i still love you. nah la.haha.

ME HUNGEREYYYY!!i am turning into a pig.in which i rememebered i watched charlotte's web today or yesterday.okay this today yesterday thing is getting to me.haha.

i'll sing you a smile;

2009-04-04T21:12:00.002+08:00

reboot.

march drained me out like a leech.the whole month was about planning and executing.it was a ball,really.but it saw me through exhausted days and burnt out nights.in which caused a slip in you and me.i had no time for you and you had no time for me.although we were together,it felt like we werent.we had a blinding distance in us that we knew was present but we had no time to note.everyday we had each other but we couldnt feel us.to tell you the truth,i thought the only thing i was holding on was a belief that you might still want to.and i didnt tell you cause of all the many other thoughts i have that you deem nonsensical.so ignorance was bliss.i didnt want to think i didnt want to know.i just wanted to move along.

the one time you wanted me to speak,i failed.i didnt want you to think i was paranoid.i didnt want you to think i doubted you.i didnt want you to think i was failing us.but it was a relief you told me what you did.it lifted a weight that was embedded in my head.and so we'll work on us now,if you dont mind.heh.

OI NAD!hehehehe.congrats congrats for successfully entering nyp.have fun.play safe.take care.and YOU BETTER STUDY AH!see see guy all.slap you uh.and pass your tp hor.then i got 2 chauffers.ahhhh.the life babyyyy!muahahaha.

mann,im smelly.

all mine,all yours,all ours;

2009-03-31T17:43:00.006+08:00

beautiful.

i lose my senses.i lose my words.i lose everything but my love.i find reasons to believe im still sane and grounded.but i'll come full circle knowing i wont be without you.i despise myself for being soft.i irritate myself for giving in to everything,anything just so the other wont hurt.you taught me how to stand.and so i shall.im done making people happy.it's time to make me happy.and it's time i shared it with you.with us.

im no great poet.im no better with winning you over.but here's to the million and one.it doesnt tell you why,but it's close.heh.and read it properly.you'll get it baby.you will.

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

i love you.even the little blue bird knows it's true.

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu

Membuatku terdiam dan terpaku

Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah

Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata yang tak mampu kuungkapkan kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau selalu hadir dan temani aku

Di setiap langkah yang menyakiniku

Kau tercipta untukku

Sepanjang hidupku

and that's a first.heh.i know you hate me when im sappy and emo-fied.but i guess i just missed you.and it's only been a day.zomg.

to the masked dame,who stole this pauper's heart.

2009-03-28T16:11:00.014+08:00

updated a day late.

happy birthday baby.sorry for the birthday lunch instead of breakfast.muahaha.and i hope i got you what you wanted.heh.so here goes the usual.i hope God has your name in His good books and panjangkan your umur and murahkan your rezeki.haha.and i know i texted the exact same thing to you.haha.but nevertheless,i still hope it happens.heh.and i hope your party later will be awesome and i hope you'll have fun.if i cant be there,im sorry.i shall never incorporate half a packet of fox,ice-cream,indian sweets,chocolate and that turkish thing mum bought that was awfully good but sweet into my 3 meals a day.mann.that was all i ate that day minus lemon biscuits and a hotdog.haha.someone should limit my sugar intake.

the past week was like work.haha.but dont get me wrong.it was doing something that i loved.i could go out with a destination in mind and an errand to accomplish.i had to sit in a car and look at what is going on outside and sometimes i could stick my head out and feel the wind gushing to my face.i had things to do,people to talk to and nothing to worry about.well except for what im going to wear and such.but other than that,i did all those mentioned with lyla.and i love time spent with that little woman.the whole week was all about managing her party.and im sure it'll be paid-off.

so anyway,im going to crash for awhile and try to self-medicate my throat.bleahh.baby,have a great party.have a wonderful time turning 20.eat proper,eat more,dance like there's no tomorrow and sleep well.i love you.

they dont know how long it takes,waiting for a love like this.

2009-03-16T03:56:00.004+08:00

it's not like ive got anything to do.dont bother reading.really.it's those 4 in the mornings banter.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
So Sorry,It's Over - Blink 182

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Womanizer - Britney Spears (yea,sureeeeeeeee)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Shake It - Sean Paul

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
My Space - Don Omar ft Wisin y Yandel

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
This Aint A Love Song - Bon Jovi

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Labels or Love - Fergie (jyeahh babyyy!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Homecoming - Kanye West ft Chris Martin

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
What Makes A Man -Westlife

WHAT IS 2+2?
Love Me For A Reason - Boyzone (if only i could answer this in maths class)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Forgive Me - Leona Lewis

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hate Me Now - Nas & Beenie Man

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Beautiful Liar - Beyonce (thanksss.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Rollin - Limp Bizkit

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
One Wish - Ray J

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Love Like Honey - Pretty Ricky

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Nice Girls - Kevin Little (im sure the makciks and pakciks will shake it :)))

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Used to Love You - John Legend

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Stupid Cupid - Mandy Moore

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
My Everything- 98 Degrees (my mp3 loves you too)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
November Rain - Guns N Roses

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Enter Sandman- Metallica

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Lady Marmalade - All Saints

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Time To Let Go - Marcos Hernandez (oh this is contradicting)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Girl On TV - LFO

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Shotgun Wedding - Panic! at the Disco (uh oh.that's something to Panic! about)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
He Wasnt Man Enough For Me - Toni Braxton

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Girl of My Dreams - The Moffats (oh really baby?you dooo??hahaha)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
This I Swear - Nick Lachey

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I Miss You - Incubus

i realised i have many many sappy love songs.zomg.AND CHIN YING YING I STEAL THIS.hahaha.

2009-03-14T21:54:00.002+08:00

double mint.

ive been popping these pellets every other day eversince nadd gave them to me.haha.and i thought it'll be awhile til i get my next bottle but last night,the brother asked me along to go jb.and so here i am,with 2 more bottles in hand,the happy goober.muahahaha.i dont even know if that line made sense.haha.but i get it somehow.haha.

today was well actually still is,a lazy saturday.it poured in the noon and i was passing the time with my electronic lover,the telly.mann i can get glued on that thing for the whole day.haha.i am a pig.i know.but i decided to pass the torch.haha.parents wants to watch the manchester and liverpool match.hmm i have a gut feeling that manchester's going to lose.or it'll be a draw.haha.soccer is one of those things on tv that i can never understand.never.at all.gee.

oh oh i had vanilla coke flavoured sheesha last night.haha.it was surprisingly good.haha.but i wasnt feeling all to well though.and brother's driving did not help one bit.i thought i was going to puke.bleah.and on the topic of driving.grragh.the tp is just there.like just next thursday and im already starting to pee in my pants.please please please God,help me through this.and through the test in school i have on friday.please please please.

okayy.i dont know what im going to do for the next couple of hours til i fall asleep.well not exactly a couple.but you know.somewhere along that.haha.i have no entertainment tonight.cable's taken,i dont know where my brother put the dvds we bought last night so i might ruffle through his bedroom,im sure mediacorp aint showing nothing much and the brother took his psp.boo.

my silly idiot is out partying with the relatives.me miss silly idiot.HARROE SILLY IDIOT?ME MISS YOU.hahaha.hope you're having fun.and dance til you drop babyy.dance se pe chance padele.hahaha.however it's spelt,whatever it means.haha.

standing in the light of your halo;

2009-03-06T21:51:00.005+08:00

love story.

6 years.that was how long i kept everything hushed.we've had our own make ups and break ups.and we had our trust,faith and sincerity given to someone else before.in which we were true and there was never a second guess.but in those we have also screwed up and found no point in continuing.and each time i picked up the pieces,you came to mind.not that i was looking for someone to have a rebound on or some fling i can toss,but someone who can help me piece myself together.im not relying entirely on you cause it's best to rely on oneself.but a helping hand is never a bad thing.

i was terrified of breaking your heart.i was totally afraid you'd run me over with a car.well not literally but you know our past and surroundings.it didnt seem like we were going to happen.but you held that key and i couldnt stop myself.i know we hurt a few people in the course of making you and me into us,for that,im sorry.

we happened.my heart's still smiling and i dont wish to get over this glee.you are my strength,my weakness.you take away my fears and you you keep the nightmares at bay.you lift my sprits and you make my wildest dreams come true.you calm me.you coax me.you make me as comfortable as you can and as i want to be.you give and take.you forgive my stupidity,my ignorance.you make everything clearer.you make everything right.you make me feel blessed.you let me feel what it's like on top of the world.you let me be a kid yet you know when to take me seriously.you make smile like a senile idiot.you showed me the definition of love.you showed me the definition of us-just you and me.

anyhow,you'll be within me.

:))

it's my heart and it's going gone away;

2009-02-24T22:57:00.005+08:00

we were built this way.

or it might just be me.either way i know we go through that much obstacles God passes down to us.and everything happens for a reason;no matter how cliched that sounded like.every birth,death,blink,wink,heartbeats,heartbreaks.and for every reason,a choice was made.and for the reason of love,im glad we chose to stick by each other.ive put you through so many rough patches and bumpy roads.sometimes,i want to bury my head underground and just have that moment of peace and think.no,not think.to exhale.ive been holding my breath for so long hoping you wont give up.and i am still holding on.cause i dont know if ive pushed you too far.i dont know if you'd walk away.and no,im not doubting you,though it sounds like i am.i just am clueless.cause i always thought it was all or nothing.or i might have to grow up.

rain makes me emo-fried.but i like the rain.been a while since i saw droplets of water slowly trickle then quickly slip.i missed feeling rain on my head and body.okayy.i really think the warmth of last week completely fried my brain.completely.

nadd's leaving laila and i to go to malacca at the end of the week.which is also the end of the month.february always seems to fly so fast.it just seemed last week was the end of january.boo.tomorrow is laila's last paper and i wish you all the best.no worries and please dont panic.you'll do fine just like how you did for so many other papers.zomg.i have school on friday.i tend to forget that.bleah.

and with this vow;

2009-02-23T09:58:00.002+08:00

technology.

i feel so low turning to this to reply but i know facing you would be so so hard.im not trying to run away neither am i wanting to hide.but i cannot do this.i cannot keep hurting the you,me,the people surrounding us and her.ive put you people through alot.ive said so many sorrys that meant each more than the last one.and i dont want the meaning to be blurred.i firmly believe what it means and i stand by that.

i loved you.i loved you so so much.i didnt want to seperate from you.i wanted us to go visit MrCheesyMoon and the MilkyWay made of milk.i remember all the places we wanted to go.i remember what we had.i remember so many first's.i remember your birthday at sentosa.i remember our fits.i remember our arguements.i remember sunflowers.i remember 6226.i remember all the times you covered my butt at work cause you knew i was so so worn out.i remember my 7 months in waiting.i remember my friends thinking i was going crazy.i remember your innocence.i remember your pain.i remember pudgy.i remember green.i remember cats.i remember yew tee and how we bumped into your mum.i remember every detail of what we had.but i also remember we are over.

im sorry for making you feel like shit.im sorry for making you anticipate for my texts,my calls.im sorry for disrupting your life,your art,your thoughts,your feelings,your mishmashed brain.im sorry for letting you have hope that we'll be pieced back together.im sorry for not being there.im sorry for avoiding so much of what you wanted to show me.im sorry for ignoring the fact that you are right there infront of me;being so much in pain.im sorry for not being able to cure you.im sorry for making you hate me.no,im not sorry for that.i deserve your every bit of hate.but im sorry for not catching you in the end.i am so sorry.

if you die before you wake,i'll do all those you mentioned.i will.cause at least i know i made you the least bit happy.at least i know you didnt go with a stab in your heart with my name written all over it.at least i know,for that moment,i made your day.and i will cry for you.im not human if i dont.and i have feelings that confirm that.

dont compare me to your suitors.dont compare me to those who caught your eye.im not someone you want to compare a lover to.you didnt see my flaws.you didnt see what i was capable of.and you ended up hurt.you wouldnt want your next to hurt you this bad.and i pray you wont get someone who hurts you,even the tiniest bit.

i realise the changes you made.i know you're calmer but inside you're a whirlwind.i know you havent let the smallest amount of love for us go but you're not going to rach asking why is life so unfair and crying.i know what the 1st does to you but you're keeping it in,knowing if you push me,id get more frustrated.i know you did all these for me.and i thank you.so so much.but im sorry for not being able to give you what you want.

you were a great lover.you were a great colleague.you were so many greats.but please continue being a great friend.i wouldnt want to lose a friend.i really dont.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free.

2009-02-20T00:28:00.004+08:00

surprises.

a new day is filled with them.no matter how the elements of being human causes you to deter,spin out of control or just merely make you trip,you never know what the breaking of dawn might bring.and i look forward to each one.cause i love surprises.especially when it reassures.

the heat is making me dark and it caused my tiny nose to bleed.whoa.i havent had that in ages and then suddenly,BLOOD OUT OF NOSE.hahaha.it wasnt trickling down so i thought i injured the insides of my nose when i looked in the mirror.but no.i blew my nose and there it was.the splatter of A Positives on the tissue.gee.heh.

nothing interestingly amusing came up these few days.not that i can remember.haha.but i know the brother has lost his mind.and i hate telling him i told you so.heh.my friends are graduating soon but they have MAJOR papers to sit for first.so nadd and lyla,i wish you people all the best and do them right.kick their butts and write til your hand drops and your brain melts out of your ears.hahahaha.AND NADD,I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOU GIVING UP ON YOUR PAPERS.i know you're relying on your assignments and projects but you know,just in case.heh.lyla,you better eat right,sleep well and dont stress yourself so damn much.i know the papers you're sitting for will be responsible for university admissions but dont push yourself too far off.steady uh babyyy.heh.

so that's that.my tp date is inches away and i am not ready.zomg.and this is a nice corny love song.but i loikee.heh.

Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you

I Love You.

i'll fix yours just like you fixed mine;

2009-02-16T01:45:00.001+08:00

one tip:

dont be an idiot and break your own heart.cause sometimes,the amount of sorrys might be uncountable,but it never works.

so here's to one more.

im sorry.

2009-02-12T04:58:00.003+08:00

my brain abhors numbers.

ive had more than i could ask for.my brain got burnt,revived itself then decided to melt into a pulp.ive had enough of calculations and fitting them nicely in columns that are beginning to bug me.this is the main reason why i did not opt for anything relating to accounts.but it seekretly found me in forms of proposals.and i surrender.no more.please.

okay.so it is pretty late and i should get my butt to sleep.but i decided that the last post already had it's last chapter over so i need to move on.you'll be remembered.you certainly will.all you've given me,everything we made,will be kept safe.

nadd!read laila's blog.she said all things right.i cant quite think straight now but i know you'll pull through.the finals are more important than petty squabbles.forget about it and concentrate.it's your poly life on the line and im sure you wouldnt want anyone to take that away.

laila!send my blessings to your awesome grandma okay!getting married all.feewit!hahaha.i know it's a little too early but still.no harm right.hahaha.your grandma is getting married to her boyfie.hahaha.that is just so nice to say.it makes me smile.

:)))))))))

valentines is on saturday.i want to stay home and watch the sappy love stories bull that the telly is gonna show.bahahaha.no offence to those in love.but i hate overdone love stories.they blur the true meaning of love.zomg.i need sleep.im becoming sentimental.bahahahaha.but hey,dont you just love,being in love?heh.

my eyes are locked unto yours;

2009-02-07T10:32:00.003+08:00

someone slap me and tell me it didnt happen.

we just chatted that day.and now im stoning,shaking my head.im in such denial.i feel no pain cause i still cant believe it happened.it just feels that im going to bump into you again and hear you scream my name and come running to hug me.you always did that.no matter where we were,crowded place or not,you let the whole world know who i was.we shared our primary school days together and we had alot going on after that.but you kept us together.you made sure we met.i cant believe you're gone.i really really cannot come to terms with that.not yet.you were the most loudest,happiest,carefree girl ive known.i hate asking why cause i know im not in a position to.and i hate not knowing what actually happened.the stories i hear seem so untrue.and one seemed so not you.i dont believe you would let your life go like that.it's your final year in school and you hung on for so long.you've been working so hard and i know it hasnt been easy but you pulled through.tsk.i dont know.

i'll pray for you and your family.your parents are distraught.you were their only child.but i'll pray they'll be alright.you're going back to where you came from.and i need to put that on repeat.and i never thought i'll ever write this post for a friend.never.

i love you.

yasmeen.

2009-02-01T21:57:00.002+08:00

i understood the whole chunk.

first and last.every word,every line.i knew what you were talking about.neither of us wanted it to head this way;such a standstill.i dont know what to call us anymore.but in 5 days,it is your big day.and i wish you all the happiness the world can offer.all the bleessings,which im sure that Catholic lady could not come to par with.you're going to turn out great.you will.you've taught me alot.and i thank you.you know the number to dial if ever you need me :))

i am glad nadiiaaah has found her new love;pet society.haha.she has certainly become obsessed with that just as much as she was with neopets.haha.just as much as i was too.heh.now you go and play your silly butt off and try not to think too much.you do know i love you.

i want chocolates.i didnt have enough yesterday.i wanted to steal them all but i was nice cause they belonged to a 10 year old.and i didnt want to be some grinch.haha.i havent caught a movie in a long time.and they're all showing love-related shows cause boyy oh boyy valentine's is in 2 weeks.haha.naddiahh sure wouldnt want to be my date.she dislikes sappy love stories.but catching the leap years with those 2 was a blast.haha.it's still vivid.haha.

i actually bathed today.i am so proud of myself and YOU should too.hahaha.i didnt go out,stayed at home like a good kid and bathed.i usually dont.but i felt smelly.hahaha.damn.i need to go study.the dreaded is on friday.so please remind me to breathe.hahaha.

i'll take you to see the 7 wonders;

2009-01-31T03:44:00.004+08:00

take back the sting.baby,please dont leave.

i hope you'll reach in and really gather your emotions.we dont like seeing you lost and confused.we dont like seeing you dazed and taking in everything.you've been very much the greatest friend anyone can have and we are totally blessed to have you.and right now,we know you're all over the place.you have alot going on and you're beginning to resent it.if we could give/say to you something anything to make you feel the least bit better,please please do speak.but in the meantime,hang on.i dont know what to say.you've heard my mind.and i know you dont want to lose and either way,it's going to be the same.not asking will leave you clueless and asking will make things different.AND I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE CLUELESS.i dont blame you.but you always seem so distant when we're right there.

just one thing,take your time.

the stool mum bought me has buttons that arent very butt-friendly.or maybe ive been sitting on it for too long.but still,it is my butt we are talking about.heh.so today or yesterday whateverwhichever,was well-spent.cause i met them both and all we did was eat and laugh.it was us 3 being fat and happy.and for that moment,nothing else mattered.zomg.i am becoming a tad soft.ahh i feel like having mr softie.been awhile since i had that.the last i remembered,it tasted good.i wonder if it still does.heh.

and before it slips,
HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY AFIEFATAL MISSMURDER IHAVENOCLUEHOWTOSPELLYOURFULLNAME BINTE MOHD ROSLAN!!!!!

hahaha.we sharex2 father name.JUST THE NAME.hehe.i had the decency to make your age microscopic.heh.but why bother about age.now you can sit back and look at all the upcoming minahlians and laugh in their face.heh.sorry i was just traumatised by the growing minah population in ping yi.zomg.too many.so so i is pray you dipanjangkan umur and murah rezeki okay?best.and please dont mind my malay.it has gone haywire.haha.

laila cannot go overseas and study.nadiah and i will not approve of it.heh.

just stop it from ringing;

2009-01-24T01:18:00.004+08:00

it must be the heat.

well ive seen them melt,broken down in front of my eyes.it's heart wrenching to watch and it's harder to coax.cause i know i can never know exactly,right down to the core,how they feel.i feel the pinch,i feel the pain.just not too sure how they really are.but i know it's there.and to them,i give my love,my strength,my faith,my belief.that somehow they'll pull through.and not without vices eh miss babat juicy eh.hahaha.what a name.

so on a lighter note.I AM DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER.just to please myself.i still have the assignments to complete.zomg.this is taking longer than it should.but i guess,as GV Nathan used to say,it's the rigour that you put your mind through,the rigour.or something like that.and fyi,he is not a made up name.i didnt randomly choose that by putting the name of a cinema and the president's together.there is someone holding on to that.very strongly.i think if you google him,he would have covered all the jobs in the world other than being in the parliment.or actually,you might never know.haha.okay too much.heh.

oh and to the chinese people in my life,HAPPY NEW YEAR YAWW!i want no oranges just red packets.too much oranges make me cough but too much red packets,oh well,there's never a 'too much' for that.haha.i am going kookoo.

tanya bintang-bintang hanya kaulah yang ku sayang;

2009-01-18T03:13:00.003+08:00

wishes.

ive made alot of them.from wanting meaningless stuff to emotion related from another day with grandma to making time move fast when in class.and of course,most of them hardly came true.haha.but i count my blessings.

now this one wish i am adamant on making come true.cause i know it can happen.i just need to find a way.devise a plan.something.you dont know how this is making me feel.i am fucking miserable.i am filled with guilt and anger,fear and remorse.i feel like i want to cry but i see no point.i want to scream but my voice wont carry.i want to melt into someone's arms but i know in my room,im alone.

im annoyed by accusations,assumptions.cause frankly,i know you have no idea.it's ambiguous;what we have.and my mistake was to avoid every acknowledgement.my mistake was to leave you without a clue,without a reason why.that i am sorry.i have no words that could explain without it sounding like a lame excuse.

but please,i am tired of that tone you give me.i try so hard to not be affected but i am.everytime.sometimes i want to tell you but i know we'd end up arguing.and so brushing it aside is my main ammo.but it has become a casual thing.too casual.cause i know,ive hurt you.yet again.if telling you causes pain and not telling you is just pending pain,i wish you could just try to understand.

upon that star;

2009-01-12T00:55:00.003+08:00

tag.

my parents were playing that today.in the house.and i was happily watching tv while watching them run around.hahahaha.they are adorable.and boyy do i love them.it's moments like this that i hold dear.and i finally like after i dont know how long,went out for lunch with them.tsktsk.this no good.haha.

but it was a good well spent sunday.

now.someone found me on friendster.haha.and we kinda bumped into each other like a couple of times but we didnt converse you know.and i didnt think she would actually find me.but lo and behold,NADIAH AL-ANSARI has her friend connected to this person.i think NADIAH AL-ANSARI knows too many people.so when you read this,may you please help me refresh my memory and tell me who is nadiah.i mean another nadiah.oh my God.i am confusing myself.alaa just call me la.haha.

RAR is missing from my side.i actually forgot about it.i am so sorry.now i cant listen to you nemore.but i'll get you back soon.like in a couple of hours.although i am tired of the songs in you,i still want to hold you.zomg.i am becoming retarded.haha.i shall oppose that.shhoo.heh.

and here's to NUR HUMAIRAH BINTE SHAIK DAWOOD.i think.i mean not too sure about the full name there.so heh.in like close to 12 hours you are getting your results!you should rejoice baby.it's like this lingering thought finally is going KAPISH!haha.im sure you did well,love.no worries.AND DONT CRY LA.wth.haha.

okay.i keep pressing the enter button twice to go to the next paragraph.i need sleep.

WHAMBAMCLINGCLANG.

oh oh.usher's trading places video is like...fillintheblank.

my solid ground;

2009-01-03T17:50:00.006+08:00

a new book.

the past 228 chapters of my life has been a blast.and here's to the many more to come,God willing.now i couldnt say i ushered my '09 with with a whambamclingclangkapow.i actually began it with a bench in a park.mann.dont even talk about my mood.it slipped away at the slightest glimpse of party people.

oh well.i am still trying to regain back what went down the drain cause i seriously am not fully recharged.but i guess it should turn up sometime soon.i really expect it to.if it doesnt,i am going to run to an asylum.heh.

twenty.i am turning twenty in 6 months.i dont feel the part play the part look the part heck not even my mum realises my age.now the line 'age is just a number' feels like such a lame excuse.cause at this moment,it seems like age means you're old.but alive.and for that i thank God.there's actually alot for me to look forward to but twenty,like someone once said and i think it's kurseth,is such an in between age.i cant watch r21 movies,i cant enter gotham penthouse,i cant buy a house although i seekretly have one.bahahahaha.but i guess i'll make the best out of it.

and and God,could you please listen to this beating muscle and soothe it?cause only You would understand.

KAPOW!

haha.i watched cartoons today.and spongebob's laughter is rather annoying.haha.i was looking forward to seeing gary but he didnt appear.and i caught totally spies,winx club,digimon,pokemon and shrek the third.which is actually a movie but you know.haha.i want to go out.my butt says it doesnt want to be on a chair or on a bed.fgliadjbdhlkzfgsdnofi'hgsdfz.

HAVE A GOOD '09 LASSIES & LADS.

it started with an embrace rolling downs wiping off;

2008-12-31T22:41:00.002+08:00

i tried.

with all my might and all that i got i did.so very hard.i gave in just so you wouldnt flare up anymore.i took your hands,sweaty or not,and held it firm so that you wouldnt fall.i swung all your swings away or at least i tried.and yes,there were so many times i failed.so many times i hurt you.but nevertheless.i didnt stop loving you.

but you forgot i had feelings and i was human.you forgot the reasons why i take the blame.you forgot that i was yours and you were mine.you were so scared,love.so scared til i couldnt take it.i tried.i really did try to re-think my decision and give our relationship another go.but i was afraid.of what might happen.of you.of us.

so many of your entries have me in it.and it brings me so much pain.i dont want you to suffer.i dont want you to be miserable.i am sorry i made you feel this way.i am sorry i cant be there.i am sorry that we didnt last.but please,if i could go on my knees,im begging you.try not to think of the could haves/should haves/would haves.stop asking questions and the what ifs.just please dont make it any more painful than it already is.i know i dont usually talk about us.but tomorrow is the 1st.and after gerald,i just needed you to know.

im sorry about the unhappy ending.i am so sorry.

the hardest story i had to tell;

2008-12-28T15:31:00.002+08:00

fun and mental is fundamental.

zomg.i am at work and so i should be working.but i am so bored.i cant find anything to do.bleah.i am typing this post while constantly looking behind my back.tsk.later kena kick.haha.whoa.this dude stays on the 24th floor.gee.and if the elevator decides to malfunction how?tsktsk.

KAPOW!

i still have a good 3 hours plusplus left to kill.oh my God.and i shouldve been fasting today.nobody told me!aiya.bahaha.i am hungry.i had like a black pepper crab puff for lunch and i still have space.bleah.oh oh.i think mum ordered pizza.i am going to get bloated.woohoo!haha.

somethings are so difficult to express.and what do you do when to reach those kinda situations?huh huh?if if you open your mouth and you think you're being nice by telling, and the person so does not welcome the news, what do you do?hahaha.okay.please dont mind me.it's just my silly brain at it's peak.gahh.work is selowww-lyyy killing my brain cells.

oh oh i submitted my assignment really late on friday.like close to 2 hours late.please dont screw me.bleahhh.i cant wait for this semester to be over.really.all the modules would kill the dead one more time if they had to study it.zomg.

oookayy.i shall let my heart beat like normal and try to avoid this sweat building up on my palms.haha.this was a thrilling post to type.woohoo!

wonderful&super;

2008-12-24T08:45:00.003+08:00

pass me mr dan.

i am still tired from sunday's sleepover.and i am up at this hour because i had to submit my assignment.gahbahfah.and ive got another that would seriously make my brain hiccup.zomg.i need a pickmeup.someone something anyone anything.read those 9 articles and interlink them together with a limt of 1800.and please ensure it is related to workplace relations.the most driest of all topics to cover.even droughts are wetter.zomg.i am not making sense.

the rain is lulling me back to sleep.which i think would be my next move.having breakfast now would just keep me awake and then i'll sleep early tonight.which i want to avoid because i havent searched for my articles yet and the due date is friday.yay me.but i have a craving at the tip of my tongue.i want to stuff hotcakes with maple syrup and butter in my face.but it's pouring and i feel bad for the delivery dude/dudette.well i cant discriminate now can i.haha.

i shall leave this tormented post.bahahaha.

OH OH PEOPLE WERE STUCK ON THE FLYER FOR 6 HOURS CAUSE OF A POWER DISRUPTION.now that's what i call good fun.wheewhooo!!

mount faber and cable cars;